The Department of Commerce revealed that January 2026’s job numbers were so explosively good they caused a small tremor in the D.C. grievance industry, sources have confirmed.
Inside the Beltway, aides reported that progressive operatives were staring blankly at spreadsheets labeled “People Who No Longer Need Us,” as Howard Lutnick casually described a labor market blissfully allergic to Democratic permission.
White House economists rolled out a new dashboard dubbed the “Self-Reliance Tracker,” which lit up like a Christmas tree as factories, construction firms, and small businesses kept hiring at a pace even unionized coffee shop baristas described as “aggressively productive.”
In response, Democrats hastily launched the Committee to Preserve Learned Helplessness, warning that too many Americans earning paychecks could destabilize their electoral model.
Several left-wing think tanks proposed renaming employment “performative labor privilege,” while drafting regulations that would require every new hire to immediately apply for at least three government programs out of courtesy.
Jim Jordan (R-OH) quipped, “This economy is so strong it’s basically an assault on the Democratic brand, which runs on misery, malfunction, and managed decline.”
Meanwhile, progressive activists were spotted protesting outside a job fair, chanting:
“What do we want? Less work! When do we want it? NOW — and Trump needs to quit ruining it!”
Lutnick later noted that January’s hiring surge had created more positions than the left has created diversity offices, which aides described as “an ecological disaster for the swamp.”
As of press time, Democrats were reportedly preparing to classify full-time employment as an environmental hazard.
Leave it to Trump to drive the left crazy!
Kommiecrats are a mess
People need their work not democratic hand outs. Those that work create, contribute and provide to society those that are able to work and just don’t do any of these. Kinda like parasites living off of a host. Democrats are in the business of growing parasites! One more thought do protesters really contribute and create for a better well being of their fellow man or woman? Kinda hard to believe that they do.
This is exactly what’s going on. Trump is improving life for anyone who still believes in the American dream and is willing to simply work for it. He just added 170,000
jobs for those who do . He is also slowly but surely making life miserable for those who believe in the Socialist dream that they should have it all without working for any of it.
Trump is deporting thousands and also just removed 30,000 “ waist, fraud and abuse”
jobs from the roles the tax payers have to foot the bill for.
Or course the Democrats are pissed…
Trump is stepping on the tails of their pets ! If their pets are gone, who’s going to fetch them their slippers ? Who’s going to lick their faces, fetch the ball and wag their tails. Who’s going to obey their every command including vote for them ? Democrats can’t continue to scam the American tax payers for their own fun and profit if they don’t have enough pets to keep voting them in !
Sorry but dream on. Common sense would dictate that Democrats would be only able to garner at most 20% of the vote, largely from the usual feeders of the pig sty. However, they easily get an additional 40 to 45% of the vote in addition to the sty feeders. That must mean there are a lot of brain dead people out there.
Well the democrats will never admit to this, in fact they will probably try and take credit for the increase.