Oregon Police Review Board Shocked To Learn Predictable Outcomes Still Exist After Appointing Convicted Killer

An Oregon police review board reportedly expressed total disbelief this week after police and fire departments reacted negatively to being overseen by a man who spent nearly three decades in prison for murder, sources have confirmed

Board members said they were blindsided by the backlash, admitting they never imagined law enforcement might object to taking guidance from someone whose strongest professional credential was “extensive incarceration experience.”

Officials insisted the appointment was meant to challenge “outdated ideas about consequences.”

Concerns escalated when departments noticed the new board member consistently voted against incarceration in every case.

When asked about the pattern, Kyle Hedquist allegedly explained that prisons are “overused” and that he personally finds them “counterproductive,” a position board members described as “lived, lived experience.”

The situation finally collapsed after someone mistakenly requested background checks, prompting Hedquist to reportedly say, “Yeah, about that — I did murder someone, but only because she was going to snitch on me for stealing stuff, so it made sense at the time.”

Board members immediately voted to remove him while privately asking why police were being so “uptight.”

Progressive leaders defended the decision, noting no one could have predicted that appointing a convicted murderer to review police conduct would upset the police.

As of press time, the board was reportedly blaming the fallout on “toxic accountability culture” and reminding residents that this is what progress looks like.