As Major League Baseball entered its second day of the regular season, the nation is reportedly over the whole thing already, sources have confirmed.
“I really enjoyed yesterday’s game, but once the energy of Opening Day wears off, it’s just not that interesting to me anymore,” said Terry Tyson, a Milwaukee Brewers fan that was struggling to stay awake for their afternoon matchup against the New York Mets. “Oh my god, this game is only in the third inning? Nothing has happened yet!”
Major League Baseball executives had hoped that the implementation of new rules would reenergize the former national pastime’s sagging fanbase.
“We introduced the pitch clock last year to try and keep the game sped up and interesting,” said MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred, of the timer added to games last year aimed to keep games faster paced. “But that clearly wasn’t drastic enough. Based on how quickly our ratings have dipped in just one day, I think we’re going to have to take a good look at finally introducing full contact tackling into our game. You’ll never see a routine play at first again, I promise you that!”
As of press time, the nation woke up from a collective nap and were excited to realize they were one day closer to football season.
The new rules are garbage: No infield shift; pitch clock; must pitch to five batters; designated hitter. All junk. MLB is trying to create a quick show instead of a game that requires thought and management skills. I wonder if Manfred has ever thought that his rules are what is driving fans away?
Baseball died 4 years ago! Thank people like Roy Halliday for helping to destroy the game, selfish millionaires. I don’t want to play 60 games and take a pay cut. F.U.
people want to see home runs and scores. when the players were juiced up was when baseball was fun to watch.