Nation Unanimously Agrees: ‘Yes, You Still Have to Testify on Camera

In a historic display of common sense that rattled every Beltway consultant, the American public spontaneously agreed to announce that Hillary and Bill Clinton are subject to the same deposition rules as literally everyone else on Earth, sources have confirmed.

Within minutes, the Clintons reportedly convened an emergency summit inside a velvet-draped “Democratic Royalty War Room,” where aides presented a series of increasingly desperate options: testimony by scented candle, interpretive dance, whispered haiku, or a watercolor reenactment of their own memories.

When told the hearing would be filmed — like every other deposition in the Epstein inquiry — Hillary allegedly gasped, “This is clearly personal,” while her lawyers attempted to install a ring light, filter, and “Legacy Preservation Blur.”

Democrats rushed to MSNBC to warn that video cameras are a “dangerous right-wing concept,” while activists demanded a new constitutional amendment guaranteeing special treatment for former first families.

James Comer calmly slid across the same standard instructions already used for Bill Barr, Alex Acosta, and everyone else, which reportedly caused a collective fainting spell in Georgetown.

Meanwhile, Americans were said to be refreshing popcorn supplies, unanimously agreeing that months of delay, defiance, and procedural theater had finally run its course.

As of press time the Clintons were still searching for the clause in the Constitution that exempts them from being recorded.