Washington experienced a rare and medically significant moment of quiet Thursday after President Trump pardoned five former NFL players, sources have confirmed.
The pardons reportedly caused several activist organizations to pause mid-chant while determining whether releasing prisoners was still considered good.
Witnesses described protesters standing peacefully, holding signs reading “Pardon Them All,” then slowly lowering them as televisions confirmed who had done the pardoning.
One organizer was seen flipping through a binder labeled Approved Reactions before whispering, “We may need a new tab.”
White House aides admitted the calm was noticeable.
“Usually someone is yelling about criminal justice reform,” one staffer said.
“Today they’re upset about criminal justice reform. It’s quieter.”
Several advocacy groups attempted statements but struggled to complete sentences once they realized opposing the pardons required supporting incarceration.
A spokesperson eventually clarified, “We support second chances, just not… these specific chances,” before requesting additional guidance.
Police departments reported confusion as well, noting for the first time in years nobody was calling to defund them while simultaneously asking them to arrest someone on television.
Republican lawmakers called the silence bipartisan progress, while analysts warned the outrage economy could suffer temporary contraction if policies people demanded kept happening.
As of press time activists were expected to resume normal noise levels after identifying a safer topic unrelated to consistency.
Nothing quite so fun as confusing the masses.
They are ignorant, leftist radicals; they are easy to confuse. They are focused on protesting even though they don’t know what or why they are protesting.