In a bold move to “correct the dairy crimes of history,” woke lawmakers have introduced the Time-Travel Accountability Bill aimed at sending a younger Sydney Sweeney back in time to re-film a decade-old Baskin Robbins ad using oat milk and a gender-fluid waffle cone, sources have confirmed.
The ad — which was originally aired without controversy — was rediscovered last week by outraged leftist on Twitter.
Within hours, woke activists declared it “lactose violence” and demanded the federal government “intervene across the space-time continuum” to set things right.
Under the bill, a taxpayer-funded Sensitivity Task Force will be created, complete with “chronologically inclusive ice cream consultants” to ensure historical accuracy and emotional safety for all dessert identities.
“Had Sydney held a non-binary cone , we could have avoided minutes of dairy oppression,” said Rep. Indigo Bloom (D-CA), while sipping a $14 hemp-based latte.
“This is about healing… and sprinkles.”
Witnesses report that shortly after the bill’s announcement, several of its loudest supporters, including Elizabeth Warren and AOC, were spotted at a local ice cream shop demanding free sprinkles “for the trauma of seeing dairy in 480p resolution.”
As of press time, the Congressional Budget Office estimated the bill would cost $47 billion, and part of the funding is expected to come from licensing fees on “problematic” flavors like Vanilla..
Yep Here WQe Go Again…Two of the most USEFULL IDIOTS aoc and ew are really contributing to the Bewtterment of America and Americans. Please….Please….PLEASE Vote these Incompetent So Called Protectors of Democracy the Hell Out Of Office. The Sooner The Better……2026 Mid-Terms would be a Great Start.
By now it must be clear to all that have ears to hear. It’s only a matter of time before Americans declare war upon these people and their morons that serve them . Either for money or insane ideas These people who refuse to obey the laws they put upon us . We are Surly in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah .
Democrats need to be either in front of a firing squad or locked up in mental asylums . I absolutely refuse to obey anything these evil people put out and their idiot judges. They break the law. And the Constitution And there is no accountability. So Americans it’s game on . There is no winning this against this kind of evil without the God of Heaven. That America was created upon.
Their insane ramblings are more than embarrassment to America. You name every evil vile filthy putrid thing Satan Created. They use every tool in his agenda to destroy all of mankind throughout America
They are beyond stupid or ignorant Their hate for the very people they steal from is unbelievable
May God forgive you people that are responsible for putting these evil people in our government. Because when the SHTF . We will remember who is responsible for the total destruction of America
It’s time for every American to put on their big boy/ girl panties and stand up . God is watching to see who stands up and who is a child of Satan
Like Abraham tried to find one there is not one in that entire evil place.
If the anti-american left wing a–ho-es, AOC, EW, and all of the rest of them are so upset about
Baskin-Robbins using oat milk a decade ago, let those empty headed sh-t for brains idiots pony
up the money to fund it from their insider trader profits. The American tax payers should not be
saddled with the 49 billion dollar bill. And if it’s like any other government estimate the true cost will
be 4 or 5 times that amount. I’d like to meet one of these morons face to face. I’d bait them into taking
a swing at me, then I’d give them a real ass kicking. Then I’d press charges for attacking a senior citizen.
Do the job you were elected to do, stop trying to spend money we don’t have. Do any of you have any idea
how close this country is to financial collapse.