While appearing before a judge earlier today regarding the sex trafficking charges he’s currently facing, Sean “Diddy” Combs asked for leniency from the judge, claiming he was merely sampling works from more influential criminals, sources confirmed.
“Your honor, my client is simply doing what he’s made a career out of, copying other people’s work,” said Marc Agnifilo, Combs’ attorney. “He’s been awarded for this behavior his entire adult life, so why should we be shocked when he thinks he can copy a bunch of R. Kelly and Jeffrey Epstein’s biggest hits? We must do the right thing and let my wealthy client walk away from the lifetime of atrocities he’s being credibly accused of. It’s not his fault, and none of it was his idea.”
Critics of Diddy disagreed with the lawyer’s assessment.
“That’s him through and through, it doesn’t matter if it was a sample or not,” said crime fan Horace Gladwin. “It’s the way he tortured, abused, and threatened those women that’s what makes the charges unique to him. Just like his version of “I’ll Be Missing You” is still a jam, even though it’s mostly a stolen Police song.”
As of press time, guards had put Combs on suicide watch, fearing he might plot a collaboration with his deceased friend Chris “Biggie Smalls” Wallace at the rate things are currently going for him.
The man had 1,000 bottles of baby oil at his mansion. That leads me to believe he has a thing for traveling up the Hersey Highway quite a bit. That, or he had an indoor slip and slide!! Been there, done that!!
Ha ha ha ha! You can’t make this stuff up!
He likes to sample other. Crooks behavior..ok..he needs to go to prison and take his baby oil with him and sample a few years of that ..make sure and carry plenty of that baby oil there “Diddy” old boy