NYC Judge Halts Second-Home Tax Rollout, City Hall Checks Who’s Left to Tax
NEW YORK, NY — A judge reportedly forced City Hall to redo its second-home tax rollout this week after officials...
Boston Launches Civic Leadership Class, Tells Lifelong Residents They Already Know Too Much
BOSTON, MA — City officials reportedly unveiled a $575 civic-leadership scholarship program for immigrants this week, then informed native-born Bostonians...
Big Tech Launches Revolutionary New Spam Filter: Democracy, But Only the Emails We Like
SILICON VALLEY, CA — Google and Microsoft reportedly celebrated a breakthrough in artificial intelligence Monday after their spam filters became...
Los Angeles Prepares for Its Mamdani Moment, Residents Check Whether Moving Trucks Accept Bitcoin
LOS ANGELES, CA — Los Angeles reportedly entered the final stage of its political transformation this week after democratic socialists...
Wisconsin Frat Accidentally Creates Most Expensive Salad in State History
MADISON, WI — Wisconsin parents reportedly entered financial cardiac arrest Thursday after learning their college-aged sons had allegedly converted hundreds...
NYC Priest Announces Jesus Has Been Updated, Christianity Asked to Restart
NEW YORK, NY — A New York priest reportedly announced that Jesus was transgender this week, forcing 2,000 years of...
El-Sayed Runs Out of Housing Villains, Declares Michigan Football a Residential Emergency
ANN ARBOR, MI — Abdul El-Sayed reportedly escalated Michigan’s housing crisis to DEFCON MAIZE after discovering that some football fans...
Hunter Biden Announces Art Comeback, Family Immediately Checks Couch Cushions
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Hunter Biden reportedly announced plans for a triumphant return to the art world this week, sending the...
Former College QB Reportedly Confused Truck Theft With Transfer Portal
PITTSBURGH, PA — Former college quarterback Phil Jurkovec reportedly entered a brief but intense “glory days” relapse last week after...
Plainfield Police Bust Massive TP Ring, Town Narrowly Avoids Two-Ply Apocalypse
PLAINFIELD, IL — Plainfield police reportedly prevented the largest coordinated toilet-paper offensive in suburban history after seizing 650 rolls believed...
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