Chicago Mayor Demands Citizens Stay Helpless While His $30 Million Armed Fortress Expands
Chicago - Mayor Brandon Johnson reassured Chicago residents this week that while they absolutely do not need firearms to protect...
Democrats Furious As Airport Chaos Ends Too Quickly
BALTIMORE, MD — Democratic leaders across the country expressed frustration this week after airport wait times suddenly dropped, ruining what...
Jayapal Proposes Reparations For Illegal Migrants, Suggests Americans “Chip In For The Journey”
WASHINGTON — Rep. Pramila Jayapal unveiled a bold new proposal this week calling for reparations for illegal migrants, arguing that...
Democrats Slam ICE For Handing Out Water, Call It “Dangerous Display Of Helpfulness”
WASHINGTON — Democratic lawmakers expressed alarm this week after ICE agents were deployed to airports and began assisting travelers, with...
Activists Demand Entry To Reese Witherspoon’s Birthday Party, Claim “We Are All Her Children”
NASHVILLE, TN — A group of far-left activists gathered outside Reese Witherspoon’s private 50th birthday party this week, demanding immediate...
Vince Vaughn Says Late-Night Comedy Now Just Mandatory Class Where Audience Applauds To Pass
LOS ANGELES — Actor Vince Vaughn reportedly confirmed this week that late-night comedy has officially evolved into what insiders are...
Maryland Officials Struggle To Write Report After Running Out Of Ways To Describe Situation
LA PLATA, MD — Maryland officials confirmed this week they are still attempting to complete official paperwork following an incident...
Hollywood Declares Itself Historic Landmark After Successfully Eliminating Film Industry
LOS ANGELES — Hollywood officials confirmed this week the entertainment capital of the world has officially transitioned into a living...
Blue State Leaders Beg Wealthy To Return After Politely Taxing Them Into Witness Protection Programs
NEW YORK — Blue state governors across the country are reportedly scrambling to convince wealthy residents to return after successfully...
Schumer Suffers Brief Flashback To When He Opposed Illegal Voting
WASHINGTON — Chuck Schumer reportedly caused widespread confusion this week after experiencing what aides described as a “brief policy flashback”...
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