Today’s the day — the first ever Republican vs. Democrat Turkey Bowl kicks off at 11 AM. Here’s a look at what went down yesterday while the teams were getting ready, sources have confirmed.
The day-before warmups descended into utter madness after Democrats demanded twelve automatic points for participating, ten bonus yards for emotional effort, and three points every time they threw an incomplete pass.
Negotiations stalled immediately when progressives insisted the scoreboard should “reflect feelings, not numbers” and suggested a rule where Republicans lose yardage “every time they use aggressive body language — such as walking confidently.”
GOP quarterback J.D. Vance reportedly threw his hands up and said, “Just give them a truckload of participation trophies and a sticker that says ‘You Showed Up!’ so we can actually play tomorrow.”
Democrat quarterback Hakeem Jeffries melted down upon learning that coin tosses were still a thing, calling the idea of chance “systemically unfair.”
AOC demanded the coin be replaced with an “affirmation wheel of lived experiences.”
Schumer requested a safe space tent in case anyone “spoke too competitively.”
Bernie Sanders proposed abolishing interceptions because “they hurt the quarterback’s feelings” and suggested renaming tackles to “unconsented directional guidance.”
As of press time… Democrats were insisting turnovers and fumbles be celebrated with confetti cannons “so failure feels like winning.”
I absolutely love Hakeem Jeffries, AOC, Bernie Sanders, and Schumer. Devoted patriots and believers in the US constitution. I remain hopeful that all Americans will get back to doing America like it was written in the US constitution. We Americans are not perfect. Never were, never will be. We are ALL immigrants except for Native Americans. Let’s get off our high horse and agree that we will disagree as long as we are a nation. We all came from Africa. We can agree to disagree. But there is evidence to support this and I only deal with facts. I love my country and I want to see everyone fed on Thanksgiving day. I want to see Healthcare for all, not just for the few. I am American and a live my country, especially the part with liberty and justice for all. America for all, or not. Hate breeds hate, love conquers all. We need to wake up from our collective coma. We breathe the same air. Don’t you want to move to an all solar grid. That is what any country who is going to be an economic, strategic, military power is moving towards. We are so far up our own a*** waning to be like DJT when he is by far the weakest president in modern American history. The price of gas and turkey are steady this Thanksgiving, but tell me you are not spending more and getting less for your dollar. We are so far up our f**** a** that we don’t see the pot is boiling, we are in a collective coma, and we are moving towards a dictatorship. I remain hopeful because more Americans are waking up to that fact. Join us and meet us in the middle. We are broken , no doubt, need to fix immigration policies quickly., but we are all immigrants. That is our strength, not our curse. Americans marched 7 million strong on the last NKD rally in October 2025. We are growing though and fighting for our country, Join us, it is never too late. We need to (1) Impeach. (2) Remove (3) Convict the current administration. Senator Greene will
Be presenting articles of impeachment to remove DJT and his entire cabinet from office. It will
All happen by Christmas 2025. Americans need to move swiftly to get back to doing what we were doing. We will learn from this. We got soft. We are a great country when we work together. DJT and his minions are trying to divide us. It is a campaign of division, deception, misinformation, misrepresentation, trying to twist words and move towards a dystopian society. POTUS is buddying up with Putin and Russia. Hope you are not getting all your news from Daily Skrape, FOX propaganda, and newspapers like the daily post. We can do much better. I encourage getting your news from independent news sources. A good one to start is Substack and Robert Hubbell is my favorite – $ 5 per month. Many others are free.
Thank God Jesus was WOKE.
I can’t speak for all liberals, but as a liberal…
I wonder why Christians hate Christian values so much.
You’re going to hate me, but I’m an honest guy so I’m going to tell you this. I’m a liberal atheist.
I was raised in multiple churches by a born-again Christian mother. I didn’t become an atheist for a lack of trying.
So, for my entire childhood, I went to church. I attended Bible studies. I was in Youth Groups. I sang in the Youth Choir and then the Adult Choir with real robes! My first reading of the Bible was the King James text. My mom bought me the Scofield Reference Edition for my graduation. In college, I dated a girl who was trying on the Southern Baptist church and I attended church with her and a few Bible Studies. I bought my very own Scofield for the NIV edition. Read the whole thing all over again.
It was then, as I closed the book after the final page, I decided I’d never pick it up again. Oh! The contradictions! Verse after verse negated what had been written in other parts of the Bible. I’m not the only one who noticed. The contradictions were right there, annotated by Scofield. The contradictions are known to their own scholars.
I tell you this to provide enough background that you may trust that I fully understand your religion. I understand the values of Christ.
I hate to break it to you, but Jesus was FUCKING WOKE.
Feeding the poor. Healing the sick. Preaching kindness. Teaching charity. Washing the feet of the leaper. His parents were displaced and seeking shelter, just like an immigrant. He was homeless, roving the countryside with his flock. He asked us to love our neighbors and to invite the homeless into our own homes.
It’s all right there in the red ink of the New Testament.
Do you know what he didn’t teach?
Build the wall. Not in there.
Just kiss them. Don’t even ask. Just kiss them. Not in there.
Grope your neighbor’s pussy. Not in there.
Build a mega-Joel Osteen temple and fly G7 planes to Davos? Not in there.
Call liberals names and say that we should be killed for doing HIS works? Not in there.
As I told you before, I’m an atheist.
I could not reconcile the actions of Christians to the words of scripture. And frankly, I couldn’t stand hanging around with you anymore. So I left.
What do I do? I work for a large City, helping deliver services to our 500,000 citizens. I work with our police department. I work with our Courts. I work with our Parks Department. I donate time and money to our local food banks to feed the poor.
When tragedy strikes? While you are sending thoughts and prayers, I’m out there asking how I can help. What can I do? Where do you need me? How can I help to lift this rock out of your path and to ease your burdens?
Why do I do those things? It’s possible I learned about them from you when I was a teen. Maybe I learned them from my time as a Presbyterian. Maybe it was when mom joined the United Church of Christ. Maybe it was when I attended Catholic services with friends. Maybe it was when I was a Baptist for a couple of semesters. Maybe I’m just a nice guy.
But I’m a liberal so you don’t value me or what I do. You don’t want to know your neighbor.
That’s okay. I never ask the people I help if they are good enough to receive my help. I don’t look at their skin. I live in Arizona. I don’t care if my neighbor came from Mexico, or Honduras. I don’t ask. I try to help where I can.
So I ask you. You wrote this question. You assume I hate you.
Why?
Maybe you resent me for living the values you now deny.
Maybe it’s time for a little self-reflection.
And before you pound your keyboard trying to demonstrate how wrong I am, please try to remember:
WWJD?
SOURCE: QUORA 11-19-2025
BLAH BLAH.
I printed out your gibberish and used it for toilet paper, as a matter of fact I made a few dozen copies for when I run out of ass wipe, bc this is perfect ass wiping paper.
The above comment is one of the best pieces of satire I have seen in a long time.
To “AC” – you are certainly afflicted with an extreme case of “verbal diarrhea” – no doubt your toilet is full, so flush it, and find an air freshener… and mouthwash.
I thought AC was satire. But by the time I got to the end, I thought, “This person is serious. How could anyone be so moronic?” But then I read the second post. Written by the same? IDK. But just as stupid, for sure.
Anyone else stop reading ACs moronic thoughts after the 5th sentence? There may have been a brain in there at some point , but somewhere along lifes route it turned to mush!!!!
AC might be on life support and uses AI to write his bs by blinking into a computer
Love all that commented here.
I welcome challenges. As my late dad like to often quote “if you irritate an oyster enough, you create a pearl.” I think he was right. Dad was a lot wiser than me. He liked to read books. I was a late bloomer. Not the sharpest tool in the tool shed. Welcome to America, the home of the free.🇺🇸🇨🇦🇬🇧🇨🇴🇯🇵🏳️🌈☮️☮️☮️
“Don’t wait for orders and don’t ask for permission. If you’re in, you’re a leader in this movement, and we’re here to help.” – Indivisible: A Practical Guide to Democracy on the Brink. Strategies, Tactics, & Tips for How Everyday Americans Can Fight Back Together Wherever We Live.,
To all the commenters: you definitely are a tough crowd, but you all made me laugh, so it was definitely worth it.
PM: Since you brought up TP, I highly recommend bamboo toilet paper to you all. It is a more eco friendly option and it feels softer than the normal stuff we use. Hope you all have a good Thanksgiving. PS. Watching Ken Burns – The American Revolution. Definitely worth the watch.