Hollywood insiders revealed today that activists are pushing for a “Director’s Woke Cut” of American Pie, in which the apple pie not only consents to Jim’s advances, but also delivers a TED Talk about “the importance of crust boundaries,” sources have confirmed.
The new version requires every punchline be followed by mandatory prerecorded applause, triggered automatically by a government-issued “Comedy Equity Monitor” to ensure viewers laugh at only the correct moments.
Psychiatrists and local mental health leaders quickly chimed in, reminding the public that consent is a concept intended for human beings—before nervously adding that if the woke movement continues down this path, Americans may soon need to ask permission before eating Jell-O, pudding, or even Goldfish crackers.
“We’re one step away from someone filing assault charges on behalf of a Pop-Tart,” one exhausted therapist muttered while filling out paperwork for a cookie’s emotional support animal.
Critics from the Woke Comedy Coalition praised the edit, saying it “finally removes the oppressive burden of free laughter” and “bravely replaces humor with instructional applause.”
Netflix has already shown interest in buying the rights, provided the pie also identifies as non-binary and delivers a closing stand-up routine about climate change.
As of press time, sources report the pie has signed a three-special deal with Netflix, co-starring a diversity-trained Jell-O mold and a gender-neutral spatula.
Is this what happens from eating Fruit Cake?
No, this shit comes from smoking too much weed and shooting up heroin.
I always thought Nadia’s Adam’s apple looked a bit large ! Hmmmm…
“”My comment will make more sense than this article “”
The American apple pie symbol represents a mind set of wholesome thinking and morals. Killing babies got rid of that simplistic notion And there is nothing about the LBGTQ that even comes close . What was always deemed as American Apple pie has since been removed by ! Mexican food . And countless other cultures With millions of illegals being told to kill Americans and Africans who claim they created fried chicken / country cooking . Calling it soul food and laying claim to what belonged to white people . It was a white southern woman who taught the so called slaves that kind of food/ cooking Yet . They want nothing that belongs to white people. Well the piece of the apple pie they claim . Well the greatest of all these . They never fought King George for .Those freedoms they enjoy . And those were paid for by the death of white people Who wanted to have the apple pie . Nor did those from around the world that came to take . Why ? Because it was better a better place . But yet . They brought the hell they claim they left !
With l . Illegals and democrats and paid protestors who hate the greatness of America . Why ? Because those 60 and under were told nothing but lies and ! Replaced Americans ingenuity and creative abilities that made this nation great.
Just look at What Hillary Clinton’s past employee did to destroy one of the most real iconic symbols of the American pie. Cracker Barrel ! Target was never a Symbol of American . The head of the Mexican hate group RAZA that was George Floyd’s boss sits on their board.Why do you think Target was the first store they burned. The owner said. Target took one for the cause What cause The death of America. And Bud thought its customers would be too drunk to see they hooked up with the wanna be female with a penis . No apple pie there . And it would not be complete if I failed to mention the nearly 65% of the Democratic Party that has dual citizenship or is not even A legal American .
As for me . I will embrace the one thing next to apple pie . That even the woke American iconic thing called baseball . Tried to get rid of.
The all American Hotdog. In this case it’s the Chile dog without the wiener. China is maker of the pork. And the idiots in our country have not yet got rid of the beef yet
Yet ! That too is coming