Authorities are still searching for three “highly excitable” research monkeys that escaped after a truck crash Friday — but the rescue effort took a bizarre turn when dozens of costumed Furries arrived demanding to lead the search, sources have confirmed.
Witnesses say the group, calling itself Operation Primate Freedom, stormed the crash site wielding butterfly nets, vegan snacks, and “emotional support certificates.”
Members claimed they could “communicate spiritually” with the monkeys and insisted tranquilizers be replaced with “gentle affirmations.”
One participant, dressed as a neon fox, told reporters, “They’re not monkeys — they’re oppressed primate-Americans.
Let them identify how they feel inside.”
The situation escalated when AOC appeared live on Instagram “in solidarity with our fur-covered allies,” praising their “wild expression of empathy and carbon-neutral courage.”
Local authorities were forced to suspend the official search after several Furries attempted to lure the monkeys using interpretive dance and plastic bananas.
As of press time, three monkeys remain on the loose, last seen heading toward a nearby Starbucks after mistaking a barista for one of their handlers.
AND………………………………..ANOTHER reason to re-open the LOONEY BINS !
Stupid can be cured/educated, but there’s really no help for delusional of THIS caliber !
This is a satire site. It isn’t real.
Wait until the Furry Idiots find out that the monkeys are not civilized Americans but actual MONKEYS….WITH TEETH!! And thye know how to use them ☺
This is a satire site, not actual news!
Of course they know, moron!
Really
Diseased monkeys did escape
And it was not the first time. Satire is the only way some people can actually publish the truth Without censorship
Americans have been subjected to animals that have been released into the Wild from
Dangerous labs for many years. Big Foot is probably one of those creatures Dangerous labs are all over the world and so is he. People are too willing to believe it’s from outer space. When in fact it’s home grown manipulation of things that can’t fight a needle
Have you ever seen the animals they injected Human DNA into ? Look up the company in California that bought every Americans DNA !
Every single American had better wake up.Those hospital labs sell your blood !!!! No one ever asks why you give so much blood before they even talk to you. Americans buy the lie of needing it before they even have a direction These lab experiments have been going on since Hitler’s war criminals were doing strange things to people
Our own CIA brought over 250 of those Nazi war criminals to America And put them into every agency that had to do with Americans . Health department! NASA space program was one such agency ! Do some real research .
JFK’s sister was destroyed and left a vegetable by one of those so called German Nazi Doctors . They performed a lobotomy on her and thousands of Americans as well Those were in insane asylums ! Not all were insane ! . Look up the documentary that shows the atrocities they performed on people that were still alive 20 yrs ago. One man has a penis where his ear should be.
And look up the fish they put Human DNA in with a face.
Playing God is what the evil among us is doing. And Bill Gates is at the top . Ask why Americans seem to go stupid during Covid Why ? Because one of those vaccines changed peoples DNA . This is a fact . They use fear to control
Ask questions.