In an unprecedented turn of events, West Virginia Governor Patrick Morrisey has officially signed up to be the next contestant on NBC’s weight loss challenge show “The Biggest Loser,” sources have confirmed.
This decision came shortly after a spirited challenge from Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. during a heated debate over healthcare policies.
Morrisey, known for his love of mountain cuisine and disdain for treadmills, was reportedly spurred on by Kennedy’s taunt that he couldn’t run a mile faster than he could regulate a pharmacy. The governor’s office released a statement saying, “If getting on ‘The Biggest Loser’ gets one more bureaucrat off my back, I’ll do it. Plus, it’s high time to show America that Republicans have the best weight loss policies, too.”
The governor has begun his training regimen, which insiders say consists mainly of swapping pepperoni rolls for protein bars and chasing lobbyists instead of their donations. His trainers on the show are optimistic but have suggested that Morrisey’s real challenge will be the weigh-in scale’s liberal bias.
As of press time, Governor Morrisey was seen installing a treadmill in the state capitol, promising that if he’s going down, he’s taking a few pounds with him.
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