While most New Yorkers agree housing should be affordable, mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani says rent should be replaced with “a barter system of butterfly kisses, puppy naps, and emotional jazz flute solos,” sources have confirmed.
Mamdani, a millionaire socialist who owns three vintage Porsches and an espresso machine worth more than most people’s cars, refuses to leave his $400-a-month rent-stabilized apartment until Hudson Yards hands him a $25,000-a-month penthouse for the same price.
“I am the Oprah of pools,” Mamdani declared.
“You get a pool, you get a pool, everyone should get one! Just not mine”
Former Governor Andrew Cuomo reportedly told Mamdani to “lead by example” and move out, which prompted Mamdani to accuse Cuomo of “weaponizing capitalism” and challenge him to a “Social Justice Bake-Off” judged by woke Instagram influencers.
Mamdani’s “Fairness Relocation Plan” forces wealthy residents to swap apartments with the working class every month, share their Jacuzzis with “underserved TikTok dancers,” and store at least one progressive activist in their pantry “for climate awareness.”
Security deposits? They would be replaced with “emotional deposits” consisting of three haikus and a raw kale bouquet.
The rollout plan includes the first-ever “Apartment Olympics” — events like the Virtue Signal Long Jump, the Passive Aggressive Marathon, and Synchronized Rent Dodging, all judged by a therapy llama named Equity Steve.
A campaign aide was overheard telling Mamdani, “We’re progressives, we don’t believe in sharing our stuff — just everyone else’s,” before he ordered a champagne slip-and-slide to Whole Foods.
As of press time, supporters were constructing a 40-foot animatronic Karl Marx that flings fair-trade scones at anyone paying rent in U.S. dollars.
This communistic approach to housing is a recipe for the downfall of The United States of America plain and simple!!!
Only someone trying to break US from within would speak this way!!!
Deport mamdamnit to raghead land!
AIt’s time to kick every illegal out of America and remove Muslims from our government. At this point I am not sure which is worse California or New York . This is America not a Muslim country. No Muslim whose allegiance is to another country should ever sit in our government . Over 98% of Muslims are on every benefit. In America you go to jail if you are married to more than one person. Omar married her brother and Leticha James married her dad . Both to break our laws. . Muslims are married to as many as they want and every child is in our backs This is why California is as putrid as it it gets. They allowed illegals to flow in and gave them the entire state. But worse than that They put illegals over the citizens . Look up how many are in the State Chambers ! Guess what they did to the citizens There’s your homeless !! Where are the Americans in both states. It appears the government lies. When we have two states as big as these two are and no Americans. There’s more illegals than they say. I suspect that figure is 69 million. They had 12 million in 1960 .
This moron speaks like a NAZI with Communist agendas. But like all Muslims their Quran says they can lie to the infidels as long as it will end in their death. They call Americans infidels. And that includes all you black people. Americans stop paying taxes and There will be no money to keep up the world . By the way ask ? Why ? He claims to be a democrat . Because they don’t have to obey the laws the rest of us do. If Democrats knew how much people hate them !!