In what experts are calling a political miracle, Gavin Newsom has successfully united celebrities, regular voters, and people whose houses burned down around a single shared conclusion: absolutely not, sources have confirmed,
Observers say Newsom’s greatest talent may be bringing together groups that normally agree on nothing, except that he should not be in charge of anything larger than a wine tasting.
Political analysts noted the moment was historic, not because of leadership, but because everyone reacted the same way at the same time.
Sources close to the governor say he was genuinely stunned to learn that watching your town burn down does not count as “shared trauma bonding” with leadership.
One aide reportedly attempted to reframe the devastation as a “learning moment,” before being politely asked to stop learning immediately.
A former supporter summed up the mood succinctly.
“I don’t hate him. I just don’t want him near a desk with buttons.”
Meanwhile, Newsom’s long-whispered 2028 ambitions are reportedly fading faster than a Biden sound bite.
Insiders say donors now struggle to remember what Newsom stands for, other than hair gel, press conferences, and explaining why nothing is ever his fault.
As of press time, political scientists noted this may be the first time Newsom has successfully reduced polarization by giving everyone the exact same reaction, adding, “He finally brought the country together. Just not in the way he hoped.”
This man ruined my home state, it started with him shutting all public water fountains and closed the beaches at night with roving police patrols saying it’s curfew go home, we were 21, I despise him and you better believe he thinks he’s going to be president 😂
Anyone who votes for him needs a phy exam, he has ruined his state and thinks that he can be elected president ? What the hell drugs is he on ? Please tell me what has he accomplished ? Cal. just had heavy rain are the reservoirs filled ? What has he done to correct the problem with the fires ? He is actually worse then Biden if that is even possible ?
Trump has made some mistakes, however he has accomplished a great deal already, leave the man alone, he works harder then anyone else and is doing his best, I would vote for him again for sure !
This guy is a Hollywood type candidate if the movie is about a guy with high expectations who completely screwed up everything he touches and turns everyone against him. Maybe his ambitions should be directed to starring in a bad Hollywood production.