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Home Politics

Shutdown Looms As Schumer Calls For Taxpayer-Funded Acupuncture To Ease Tough Questions

J.K. Around by J.K. Around
September 12, 2025
in Politics
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Chuck Schumer
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Chuck Schumer warned Friday that the federal government will “collapse entirely” unless Republicans approve a $3 billion “Safe Space Infrastructure Plan” designed to provide Democrats with taxpayer-funded cry rooms whenever they are told no, sources have confirmed.

“These will be state-of-the-art sanctuaries, complete with beanbags, lavender diffusers, and guided meditation apps to help lawmakers recover from the trauma of hearing the word ‘budget,’” Schumer said, pounding the podium with the conviction of a man demanding sprinkles on his sundae.



The package also mandates taxpayer-funded acupuncture for progressive lawmakers who experience stress when asked, “Where did all the money go?”

One Democratic staffer insisted this was essential to democracy, explaining, “Accountability is violence.”

President Trump expressed little concern over Schumer’s threat.

“Once Chuck is done stomping his feet, we’ll come to a reasonable compromise,” Trump said.

“Until then, the adults are running the country. Sorry, Chuck.”

GOP leaders echoed the sentiment, noting they were “more worried about actual issues than Schumer’s latest meltdown.”

As of press time, Schumer was reportedly demanding noise-canceling headphones in his cry room, after overhearing Republicans laugh at him from across the aisle.

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Comments 5

  1. Sandy says:
    2 months ago

    You better not give him $3 billion dollars for a cry room. They want to cry. Tell him pick up their toys and go to hell. Home taxpayers aren’t paying for this s*** we’re tired of paying for them. Assholes. They have stole enough off the American people and we’re damn well. Tired of it. You poked the wrong beer dummy Schumer.

    Reply
    • Jim moody says:
      2 months ago

      Definitely he wants it let him spend his own money that he has stolen from the American people

      Reply
  2. Sue says:
    2 months ago

    Schumer just walk in prison and confess all of your corruption they will put you in a rubber room to beat your head around. democrats are the scumbags of the destroying party. You can never ever Trust a democrat ever again because they are so corrupt they hate each other. They would open ever border again if the ever regain power again and finish destroying this country their ultimate goal. How does every democrat become multimillionaires on a government salary in a couple of years when almost of them were almost bankrupt before getting a government job. Start explaining that to the people paying your salaries and you still steal taxpayers money for your private dinners and cars and bird watchers. You’re all corrupt and we are coming for all of you. Start lawyering up because prison is coming.

    Reply
  3. Ty says:
    2 months ago

    Democrats love wasting and stealing taxpayers money this is why you can never ever Yrust a democrat ever again.

    Reply
  4. GSM says:
    2 months ago

    Chunky represents the democrats to the highest level . This is the man that Threatened SC Judges with violence. Tribunal courts can not come quick enough for America. Tribunal courts can execute people in cases of treason . Where pathetic Federal judges who are embedded into their same crimes will let them back out to kill again.
    This comes from the man that had a sexual relationship with his own 16 yr old daughters 16 yr old friend. At a time when this was statutory rape Bill Clinton changed that with the then 19 yr old ML !
    Resulting in a pregnancy. His wife who said she was not ready to give up Her social life in DC . Who forced the abortion . That resulted in the 16 yr old killing her self.Two weeks after . Chucky’s sexual assaults are well known throughout DC . Every female within his fingers were assaulted. It appears democrats rape and kill and destroy And definitely like murder and abuse of all kinds I doubt hell has crying rooms. Because tears imply water from the eyes And not one drop can be found there

    Reply

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