Socialist Moves Out, Rent Immediately Jumps 35%

New York City officials announced Tuesday that socialism has officially entered its most advanced phase, wherein one man leaves an apartment and everyone else pays more, sources have confirmed”

Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani, a self-described champion of the working class, heroically vacated his rent-stabilized Astoria apartment to relocate to Gracie Mansion, proving once and for all that the revolution travels light as long as someone else pays the moving costs.

The apartment he left behind immediately became 35 percent more expensive, a phenomenon experts describe as “working exactly as intended.”

Housing advocates explained that Mamdani’s $2,300 rent was a form of “preferential rent,” which in progressive economics means equality with a fast-pass.

Once the socialist benefiting from the policy exits the premises, market reality is allowed back in to clean up.

As listings vanished and rents spiked, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and several Florida politicians reportedly welcomed displaced New Yorkers with open arms, reminding them the doors still open and the water’s nice, mostly because nobody froze the rent on it.

Officials confirmed the invitation includes lower taxes, functional housing markets, and the radical concept of paying what things actually cost.

Mamdani supporters insisted his policies remain a success, noting they worked flawlessly for seven years while he lived there.

Critics countered that this is democratic socialism at peak efficiency: speeches for the masses, savings for the messenger.

As of press time, New York announced plans to fix affordability by raising rents again and blaming Florida.