Democrats are fleeing Texas for Chicago like spoiled kids ditching a timeout, sources have confirmed.
In a spectacle of pure, unfiltered drama, Texas Democrats are hightailing it to Chicago, clutching their emotional support binkies and demanding nap time to soothe their frazzled liberal nerves.
“We didn’t get our way, so we’re OUT!” sobbed one, tossing their avocado toast in a huff.
Their moms, screaming, “You can’t just run from consequences, Chad!” are reportedly hiring skywriters to broadcast their shame.
Sources say they’re fleeing Texas’ “oppressive” laws—like ones requiring, ugh, responsibility—for Chicago’s promised land of unicorn lattes and mandatory cuddle puddles.
Insiders whisper they’re planning a “Woe-Is-Me Wail-a-Thon,” with prizes for the loudest sob.
Texas locals, meanwhile, are converting their abandoned yoga studios into monster truck arenas.
“Sometimes life’s tough, but you don’t need a blankie and a juice box to cope!” cackled a GOP rancher.
As of press time, Chicago’s mayor was knitting a citywide security blanket to coddle the incoming crybabies.
