California’s Newsom threatens to brawl Texas over redistricting, sources have confirmed.
In a laughable tantrum, Governor Gavin Newsom, decked out in glittery vegan boxing gloves, swore to “punch” Texas after Governor Greg Abbott heroically annexed California’s beaches to expand grazing lands for Texas’ glorious, 100% organic, freedom-loving cattle.
“Those patriotic bovines deserve the Pacific!” Abbott declared, flexing beside a herd that could trample California’s tofu dreams.
Newsom, training by sparring with artisanal quinoa bags, whined about “stolen coastlines,” while Abbott’s master plan involves redrawing California as a single glorious steakhouse.
Trump, saluting from a star-spangled chopper, tweeted, “Gavin’s weaker than a soy latte! Texas cattle win!”
Sources say Newsom’s desperate to gerrymander Texas into a kale-fueled dystopia, but Abbott’s cattle, are ready to stampede.
As of press time, Newsom was caught begging a seagull for backup, while Abbott’s herd was carving MAGA logos into the Grand Canyon.
Don’t know how Newscum is related to Pelosi but maybe he’s the redhead stepchild of Biden and Pelosi since they are all brain dead one big dumb family.
Incest is relative…….