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Washington Holds Open Tryouts For New Attorney General

Joe King by Joe King
November 24, 2024
in Politics
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Washington Holds Open Tryouts For New Attorney General
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Following Matt Gaetz’s withdrawal from the Attorney General role under President-Elect Trump, an open tryout for the position has been announced in the nation’s capital, sources confirm.  

“Oh man, finally a chance for a guy like me to get into the big leagues,” said Carl Wilmot, throwing a football back and forth with a couple of guys in the parking lot of The White House. “I don’t know if I’m the fastest guy here, but I think I’m going to be able to get through the obstacle course pretty quickly. I might have a real shot at this thing. Attorney General Carl Wilmot. I like the sound of that!” 

The open contest drew more than two thousand amateur servicemen, all hoping to be the next Attorney General. 

“Gosh, this would just be a dream come true,” said Ruth Wilmot, of her husband’s participation in the open tryout. “He always wanted to be Attorney General, but he blew out his knee in college and got hooked on painkillers after that. This would be such a nice redemption story, showing his kids that you’re never too old to follow your dreams, you know?” 

As of press time, participants in the open tryout had been dismissed and informed that the role would ultimately just go to someone Trump recognized from Fox News. More on the story as it develops.

Tags: Attorney GeneralelectionMatt Gaetztrump
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Comments 9

  1. Mika says:
    6 months ago

    Whoever we end up with couldn’t possibly be worse than the corrupt idiot we have now!

    Reply
  2. Dakotahjoe says:
    6 months ago

    I don’t know, but this seems to be poking fun at DJT.
    I guess the voters don’t car who is in charge, since they will do anything Trump says. Qualifications don’t matter. Heck, Trump is not qualified, so the MAGA folks won’t care.
    Only 300 days left before the GOP starts blaming Dems for their failures.

    Reply
    • Squiggy says:
      6 months ago

      If the leftist rat bastard democrats held open tryouts when they forced out jho buy Deng, they would have done far better!! But no, they had to replace him with a lying slut.

      Reply
    • Festus says:
      6 months ago

      Like you said Dakotajoe, you don’t know. Democrats don’t get it. Y’all were better people back in the days of Lester Maddox and George Wallace. Everyone knew who you were. Racist bigots, but at least you didn’t want the destruction of America.

      Reply
    • MAGA Man says:
      6 months ago

      The Dreams of the Dems. “Dream Land”

      Before their eyes in sudden view appear
      The secrets of the hoary deep, a dark
      Illimitable Ocean without bound,
      Without dimension, where length, breadth, and highth,
      And time and place are lost; where eldest Night
      And Chaos, ancestors of Nature, hold
      Eternal anarchy …

      @ Edgar Allan Poe.

      Reply
    • Tiredofit says:
      6 months ago

      So, a career political wannabe with zero credentials to run the country and cohabited with a married man who helped her get positioned, who never visited Europe until she was VP and failed beyond miserably as border czar while supporting a demented President making illegal executive orders is a better fit than an international businessman who experienced the worst treason the Dems could muster? Let’s not forget her boss is the head of a family engaged in pandering political power for money and was invested in CCP connected partnerships while Biden was President.

      Reply
    • Nathan Hale says:
      5 months ago

      You sound like someone who would support a constitutional amendment to burn all the democrat traitors alive.

      Reply
  3. Dakotahbloe says:
    5 months ago

    If they held open tryouts, kamela toe couldn’t win street hooker. Even with her suppressed gag response.

    Reply
  4. XRTO says:
    5 months ago

    List of outstanding candidates for AG: Schiff, Pelosi, Watters, Gascon,and Newsome. Does anybody see a trend here?

    Reply

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