President Biden’s doctor reportedly skipped cognitive testing after realizing the president was, in fact, a prototype AI unit powered by a refurbished Gateway laptop and a Roomba battery, sources have confirmed.
Insiders say the BidenBot 3000 was originally meant for birthday parties and gentle stair descents, but was accidentally installed as president after an IT intern mistook it for a Wi-Fi extender.
“We knew something was off when he tried to sign a bill using a banana,” one staffer whispered.
Dr. Kevin O’Connor allegedly called the idea of testing its cognition “cruel and unnecessary,” especially after the bot glitched and declared Scranton as a NATO ally.
Attempts to update its software failed after the CD tray got jammed with Werther’s Originals.
As of press time, the BidenBot had wandered off during a speech, been found on a Segway in a Cracker Barrel parking lot, and was trying to challenge a parking meter to a push-up contest.
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