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Clint Eastwood Saves Sheen by Outlawing Oat Milk and Feelings Parades

J.K. Around by J.K. Around
September 11, 2025
in Entertainment
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Clint Eastwood reportedly convinced Charlie Sheen to enter rehab, though only after dismantling what he called “a taxpayer-funded playground for the fragile,” sources have confirmed.

Witnesses say the facility originally offered pronoun practice sessions, therapy rabbits, and something called “healing circles,” where patients held hands and apologized to the planet.



Eastwood immediately scrapped the curriculum. The rabbits were set free, oat milk rations were dumped, and the “healing circles” were replaced with trade classes in welding, plumbing, and small engine repair.

Martin Sheen, who feared Charlie would reject treatment, praised Eastwood’s no-nonsense reforms.

The turning point came when Eastwood eliminated “intersectional storytelling hour” and replaced it with a hard day’s work.

Patients who once journaled about microaggressions were instead handed hammers and told to build a shed before lunch.

Progressive activists online condemned the changes, accusing Eastwood of “denying emotional equity,” but conservatives praised the new program as the first rehab that might actually produce useful citizens.

As of press time, Charlie Sheen was reportedly thriving under Eastwood’s guidance, crediting his recovery to “sweat, grit, and the absence of gluten-free snack breaks.”

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Comments 2

  1. Linda says:
    2 weeks ago

    Always knew Clint Eastwood was not only an excellent actor but he is totally amazingly smart and has complete common sense. More people should use their common sense and think before they do or say such ridiculous nonsense!

    Reply
  2. Sue says:
    2 weeks ago

    Today’s problem is teachers take away common sense and don’t allow kids to think on their own anymore. Teachers blow their beliefs and agendas up kids asses Social media is destroying these kids lives every day because it’s all one sided and they think it’s all real. democrats have been doing this for decades and keep getting away with it. Teacher’s aren’t teaching their brainwashing kids to their agendas. Every school should have security cameras and microphones in every classroom so parents can tune in to what ever class their kids are in and watch and listen to what is being taught. Teachers would hate it but they are being paid to teach academics not politics. Know body knows what they are teaching it’s all a big secret.
    Video home schooling is the way to go. You know how much money would be saved no schools no teachers to pay for and everyone would learn the same way.

    Reply

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