The commercial space in downtown Washington D.C. that previously housed the Joe Biden reelection campaign headquarters has recently been turned into a pretty nice Spirit Halloween, sources have confirmed.
“That makes sense,” said local resident Dale Harper. “Halloween will be here before you know it, and I think that building has been essentially deserted since Joe Biden went on TV and tried to debate. Ever since then, I think squatters have been having drug parties in there, although that doesn’t sound so different from what was happening when Biden’s had his people in there.”
The Spirit Halloween store has the standard mix of costumes, props, and decorations, as well as some items exclusive to their location.
“Did you see that 12-foot Joe Biden? It scared the shit out of me!” said recent Spirit Halloween visitor Lisa Woods. “I walked by it and it grabbed me by the shoulders and smelled my hair. That will give me more nightmares than any horror movie ever could.”
As of press time, a visiting Joe Biden was mistaken for a mummy, scaring most customers away from the store.
Since Halloween has become a very dark holiday, it makes sense for them to be in Biden’s former DNC space.
I mistakenly thought this was a satire site, but when I read “I walked by it and it grabbed me by the shoulders and smelled my hair” I knew it was more accurate than CBS, ABC, PBS, or MSDNC.
I know this is satire because, #1, mummies can’t smell and #2, downtown DC is full of zombies to start with. That’s why Hunter hangs there! Duh!!