After weeks of hype, the solar eclipse finally arrives today! People from all over the country are flocking to the midwest belt that has the best exposure to this exciting scientific event. I thought about taking some time off of the Skrape and traveling to Ohio, but then I came up with an even better idea: my own eclipse, every day, for as long as I feel like it.
How can I achieve such a miraculous event in the confines of my own unfurnished apartment? Let me tell you!
First, you’ll need some boards and nails. Go to Home Depot or Lowe’s or a local construction site, whatever you prefer. Most boards and nails will do. You’re also gonna want a hammer. Or at least a big book or a boot or something. To pound the nails in.
When you return to the store, start the project right away, before you change your mind and start to reconsider how important having a Permanent Eclipse Lifestyle is for you. Greatness does not come for those that hesitate.
Once you have all of your windows boarded up, make sure to cover the little cracks where the light gets through. This is so you can experience what eclipse fans refer to as “totality.” You can use duct tape or stuff old t-shirts in there. Whatever works.
Okay, once that is all done, we’re nearly there. Next just make sure there is nothing sharp or slippery on your floor. And then turn all of the lights off.
Ta-daa! That’s it. You’re eclipsing. Who needs to drive to Indiana? Congratulations, you’ve recreated a rare celestial event for 20 bucks. And you can do it whenever you feel like it!
Make sure your phone is charged too, ’cause eclipses get sort of boring after a couple minutes.
