Jimmy Kimmel is reportedly celebrating Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s resignation under the deeply mistaken belief that she is joining the Democratic Party, a misunderstanding his staff refuses to correct because it’s “the first time he’s looked genuinely happy since 2016,” sources have confirmed.
According to insiders, Kimmel sprinted through the studio yelling, “WE GOT HER! WE FINALLY GOT ONE!” before breathlessly informing AOC, Chuck Schumer (who is days away from unemployment), and Gavin “Hair Stylist of the Stars” Newsom that Greene would be joining their elite troop of performative outrage specialists.
Staff members say they didn’t have the heart to tell him Greene was simply regrouping for her next congressional campaign — which will almost certainly be louder, sharper, and even more MAGA than the last.
Kimmel has already begun planning a “Welcome to Liberalism” musical number, complete with backup dancers, fog machines, and a papier-mâché Trump piñata he spent all weekend bedazzling.
AOC reportedly cried tears of joy, while Newsom requested wardrobe approval to ensure he looks “just angry enough.”
As of press time… Kimmel was still practicing Greene’s “grand entrance,” unaware she’s not joining them — and would sooner join the circus than the Democratic Party.
More brain worms 🪱