In a bold move that coffee enthusiasts are calling “caffeinated cost-cutting,” Starbucks has taken a page from the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) playbook by laying off over 1,000 employees, sources have confirmed.
The decision is part of a new initiative dubbed “Lean Bean,” which aims to streamline operations and keep the company as energized as its espresso shots.
Starbucks CEO explained, “It’s about brewing a leaner, meaner coffee machine. Efficiency is our new caffeine.” This pivot to efficiency has caused a stir not just in coffee cups but across the industry, with analysts frothing over whether other companies will follow suit.
The laid-off baristas are reportedly banding together to form a support group called “Grounds for Dismissal,” where they share job leads and pour-over techniques. Meanwhile, remaining employees are said to be on edge, double-shooting their espressos to stay alert amid the shakeup.
As of press time, customers at several Starbucks locations were seen asking confusedly if the ‘skinny latte’ now referred to the staffing policy rather than the milk choice.
Start with the Fat Free employees. Also stop with the messages on my cup, I haven’t my coffee yet.
You haven’t learned to type yet either!
Efficiency is always a smart move. Too many places are running into the ground, and closing shop. We all need to cut excess waste. It’s a fine balance to be “fully staffed” and operating most efficient. Kudos to you
When you have money hungry unions always ready to drive up labor costs. There’s the big problem. My stepfather back in 1964 predicted that the unions would be the causes/ problem of driving up labor. And causing inflation. It came true.
Maybe tell the union people to go start their own company and see how they do.