MS NOW host Stephanie Ruhle reportedly entered a state of televised transcendence after being told her network has a left-wing agenda, sources have confirmed.
Witnesses at the DealBook Summit say Ruhle levitated three inches off her chair the moment comedian Andrew Schulz asked whether she was ever surprised by MS NOW’s political angles.
She allegedly screamed, “WE HAVE NO ANGLE! NO AGENDA! WE JUST HAPPEN TO SAY THE SAME THINGS EVERY DAY FOREVER!” before vibrating at a frequency detectable only by malfunctioning Wi-Fi routers.
When rapper and commentator Charlamagne tha God reminded her that MS NOW once accused him of spreading “MAGA messaging,” Ruhle reportedly declared he was “under the influence of conservative telepathy,” demanding panel security “confiscate his brainwaves before they spread.”
Meanwhile, insiders say executives at MS NOW rushed out an internal memo titled: “We Absolutely Do Not Have an Agenda — Please Make Sure Tonight’s Agenda Notes Are Memorized.”
Staff were instructed to nod vigorously at all progressive talking points “to maintain neutrality.”
Audience members described the scene as “equal parts exorcism and LinkedIn seminar.”
As of press time, Ruhle was reportedly hovering one foot above the ground, insisting she is “the most unbiased person in the multiverse” while emitting a faint hum of pure ideological denial.
I wish you could have supplied that video of her with the report.
LOL Sounds about right!
She needs high doses of Prozac.
Did she bite her glasses in half?