The Clown Car Revival Tour

In a development that has Democrats nationwide staring into the abyss and screaming “Wait… this is our bench?”, a shocking new poll reveals that Kamala Harris’s chaotic collection of confused, forgetful personalities is now leading Gavin Newsom in the race for the Democratic presidential nomination, sources have confirmed.

The cackling former border czar, who once again forgot what year it is and tried to explain the economy using only hand gestures and word salads, somehow surged ahead of California’s Hair Gel Emperor.

Newsom, meanwhile, spent the week perfecting his $1,200 hair routine and practicing his “I’m not a fraud, I really care about people” face in the mirror.

Party insiders say both candidates are polling better than a bucket of warm mayonnaise, which is still somehow more appealing than the rest of the field.

Lurking silently in the shadows like the final boss of a woke nightmare is Maryland Governor Wes Moore, sharpening his moderate smile and waiting for the exact moment when Harris forgets her own name and Newsom runs out of product so he can pounce on their political corpses and declare himself the only adult left in the clown car.

Democrats are now openly asking the question echoing through every blue city: “Dear God… is this really the best we have?”

As of press time, Kamala Harris was reportedly introducing herself to her own campaign staff again while Wes Moore practiced his victory speech in front of a mirror, whispering “Yes we can… wait, no we can’t… whatever, I’m inevitable.”