Pentagon UFO Files Send Democrats Into Panic Over Possible Discovery Of Their Out-Of-Town Voters
WASHINGTON — The Pentagon released another batch of UFO files this week, leaving officials “speechless” and Democrats terrified that federal...
Cruise Ship Descends Into Floating Democrat City After Chair Hogs Claim Every Pool Lounger As Affordable Housing
ABOARD THE SS REGRET — A seven-day Caribbean cruise descended into chaos this week after passengers began claiming pool chairs...
Democrat Leadership Masters “We Haven’t Seen It” Defense On Platner Scandal
WASHINGTON — In a coordinated display of weaponized cluelessness, Chuck Schumer, Hakeem Jeffries, and every Democrat still trusted to speak...
Democrats Order Autopsy On 2024 Campaign, Panic After Coroner Lists Cause Of Death As “Democrats”
WASHINGTON — Democrats released their official 2024 election autopsy this week, only to immediately burn it after the coroner made...
Mamdani Boycotts Most Inclusive Israel Day Parade Ever Because “Too Many Non-Socialists”
NEW YORK — In a display of pure progressive open-mindedness, socialist Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced he will skip this year’s...
Mangione Superfans Obtain NYC Press Passes After Correctly Answering “Do You Hate Rich People?”
NEW YORK — New York City’s press credentialing process reached historic new lows this week after a squad of Luigi...
Trans Athlete’s Mom Outraged Biological Girls Allowed To Share Podium: “This Is Unfair To My Child!”
SACRAMENTO — California’s new track-and-field compromise broke irony meters statewide this week after activists who spent years demanding inclusion were...
Tom Brady Struts Gucci Runway In Leather Skinny Jeans, Proving He Can Deflate Anything
Tom Brady made his catwalk debut at Gucci’s latest fashion show, proving once again that the man can deflate footballs,...
Former LA Mayor Accidentally Tells The Truth: “Yeah… It’s Not Trump’s Fault We’re A Dumpster Fire”
LOS ANGELES — In what historians are calling the most dangerous act of political heresy since a journalist asked a...
Democrats Introduce First-Ever Mime Presidential Candidate: “Kamala Harris Will Say Nothing… Literally”
WASHINGTON — With the 2028 field desperate for a candidate who can promise free everything without accidentally forming a complete...
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