Thune Pushes to Keep Government Open, Schumer Breaks Down with Marx Puppet
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Majority Leader John Thune announced today that Democrats’ “shutdown obsession” has officially reached clinical levels, sources...
Democrats Admit They Can’t Explain Why They Hate Bill, Just That It Was Written by Republicans
Washington, D.C. — Senate Democrats have announced that they will oppose any Republican funding bill on the grounds that Republicans...
Fani Willis Trial Revealed to Be Stacked With Sticky Notes and Relationship Doubts
Donald Trump’s Georgia case collapsed this week after judges determined District Attorney Fani Willis had transformed the prosecution into a...
ICE Agents Dismiss Emmy Rant as Routine Progressive Meltdown
Hollywood elites have abandoned plotlines altogether and now treat award shows as taxpayer-funded therapy sessions, sources have confirmed. At the...
Schumer Delays Mamdani Endorsement, Claims He’ll Be in Antarctica Studying Penguin Democracy if It All Goes South
Democrats are now hawking Zohran Mamdani campaign merch that looks suspiciously like Marxist bobbleheads — complete with tiny hammers and...
From Mandates to Mayhem: Left Now Allergic to Masks
California’s Senate has declared that ICE agents must show their faces in public at all times, sources have confirmed. The...
Remembering Charlie Kirk
It has taken a few days to find the words. The news of Charlie Kirk’s death on September 10 in...
Shutdown Looms As Schumer Calls For Taxpayer-Funded Acupuncture To Ease Tough Questions
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Chuck Schumer warned Friday that the federal government will “collapse entirely” unless Republicans approve a $3 billion...
Clint Eastwood Saves Sheen by Outlawing Oat Milk and Feelings Parades
Clint Eastwood reportedly convinced Charlie Sheen to enter rehab, though only after dismantling what he called “a taxpayer-funded playground for...
Newsom Melts Down After SCOTUS Ruling: “Government’s Just Not Fair!”
California officials declared a state of “existential meltdown” after the Supreme Court allowed Trump’s immigration raids to continue, sources have...
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