McDonald’s announced a surprising series of new collaborations yesterday, revealing plans to feature products from Krispy Kreme, Marlboro, and Jack Daniels in their stores soon, sources have confirmed.
“We tried the healthy thing for a few years, salads and apple slices and all that,” said McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski. “But that didn’t really take, so we’re going full steam ahead the other way. Donuts, cigarettes, booze, let’s go! Come into McDonald’s and get tanked and fat, who cares anymore? Not us. We’ll give you whiskey. Get a large one with your combo. See if we give a shit.”
Local parents had mixed feelings about the new direction of the long running fast food chain.
“On one hand, I’m not sure what this does to the mature and responsible image McDonald’s had been trying to cultivate,” said Lawrence Martin, a local parent. “But on the other hand, if I can take my kid to the PlayPlace and let him blow off some steam while I get tanked in a booth, I think that feels like a win-win.”
As of press time, a visibly intoxicated Ronald McDonald announced that the new collaborations with Krispy Kreme, Marlboro, and Jack Daniels would start at the end of the year.
I won’t suooort them ever again. I’ii take my childrensome where else.
It should help the food taste better!