Amid lengthy and violent protests on many major American college campuses, The Daily Skrape was able to speak with the lone student reportedly still attending classes at the University of California-Los Angeles.
“I thought about not coming anymore,” said Troy Downey, the last student still currently attending classes at UCLA . “But then I’m not sure what the professors would all do. I feel like as the last student that puts a lot of pressure on me, and I don’t have it in me to pull the plug on these guys. They work so hard.”
“Still,” he continued. “You’d think they’d go easier on me. My History professor keeps calling on me every time he asks a question. I don’t even have my hand up most of the time! And last week he assigned me a group project and said it was up to me to find the rest of my group. How is that fair?”
The professors defended their decision to continue teaching classes in an unaltered style.
“This isn’t public school, this is a university,” said Terrence Arthur, Downey’s history professor. “These kids are paying to take the classes. If they want to blow class off, sleep in, or spend all day a tent encampment in some misguided effort to influence the state of the Middle East, hey, it’s their tuition!”
As of press time, Downey had failed his group project and was informed he’d have to repeat History again in the Fall.
This is what happens when you wait too long to put them on Ritalin…
Thanks for the laughs!