Nation’s Problems Solved With Dry Shampoo and Stickers, According to Newsom
Governor Gavin Newsom’s meteoric rise has less to do with policy and more to do with perfect hair and a...
Ex-Biden Spin Doctor Ian Sams Defends Autopen at House Hearing, Device Immediately Launches 2028 Campaign
Ian Sams, Biden’s former spin doctor and current human fog machine, arrived at the House for the autopen scandal hearing,...
Neverland Bank Moves to Repossess Schiff’s Treehouse, Peter Pan Reportedly “Heartbroken”
Senator Adam Schiff has reportedly opened a legal defense fund because, believe it or not, all his money is tied...
Zohran Mamdani and Elizabeth Warren Drop Sleep Mixtape for Socialist Bunk Beds
College sorority “cold rooms” have officially been outed as the first step toward America’s socialist sleep experiment, sources have confirmed....
Mamdani’s ‘Shared NYC’ Plan Exposed: Xboxes for All, Work for None
A Cuban-born biotech mogul who escaped socialism with his family is now running for New York City mayor as an...
CAPITOL CAFETERIA CHAOS: Schiff Goes Limp as Trump Brings Potential Peace
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Panic spread through Democratic headquarters yesterday after President Trump’s summit with Vladimir Putin in Alaska ended not...
Biden’s New Urban Policy: Keep Crime, Kill Stoplights, and Tip Your Local Pickpocket
Washington, D.C. — Democrats have officially pivoted from “tough on crime” to “tough on stopping crime,” sources have confirmed. After...
Schumer Declares D.C. a ‘Criminal Sanctuary Zone,’ Launches ‘Catch and Release Plus’ with VIP Perks for Lawbreakers
Chuck Schumer has proudly refused to let President Trump extend his crackdown on D.C. crime, unveiling instead a plan to...
Elizabeth Warren Proposes 45-Minute Trigger Warning Before Any White House Fight
Dana White’s announcement that UFC fights will take place at the White House on July 4th, 2026 has sent the...
Sund Posts Pinocchio GIF, Pelosi Blames Vision Board for Security Decisions
Nancy Pelosi’s latest Jan. 6 retelling has reportedly sent her nose into a “Disney-level growth spurt,” sources have confirmed. Former...
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