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Home U.S. News

Biden’s New Urban Policy: Keep Crime, Kill Stoplights, and Tip Your Local Pickpocket

Joe King by Joe King
August 15, 2025
in U.S. News
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Washington, D.C. — Democrats have officially pivoted from “tough on crime” to “tough on stopping crime,” sources have confirmed.

After resurfaced footage of then-Senator Biden warning about D.C. crime in 1992, the party now insists that danger is “an essential part of the urban experience” and should be protected like a national park.



Insiders say the DNC has launched a new “Criminals First” initiative, offering grants to offenders for “crime fighting how-to” workshops — not to prevent crimes, but to improve technique.

Funding reportedly comes from carbon taxes on police sirens and is funneled directly into private jet fuel for annual “brainstorming summits” in Spain, where top Democrats sip imported woke cocktails while role-playing as pickpockets for cultural sensitivity training.

This, they say, is exactly why D.C. is fighting the Trump administration’s crackdown on crime — arguing that stopping criminals would “devastate the creative economy” of stolen catalytic converters, knock off clothing, and performance-based loitering.

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez told reporters, “Crime is just passion with poor marketing. We’re here to rebrand it.”

Meanwhile, Nancy Pelosi proposed a “Safe Space for Carjackers” zone on the National Mall to “foster dialogue between criminals and their future getaway drivers.”

As of press time, Biden was seen rolling through a red light in his motorcade, tossing stimulus checks to masked loiterers while yelling, “Keep the dream alive — and don’t forget to tip your local pickpocket!”

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Comments 5

  1. Bob says:
    4 months ago

    I once read the Marion Barry as DC mayor did not pay city electric bills, and 1300 stop lights stopped working, so nothing is impossible with democrats!

    Reply
  2. David Williams says:
    4 months ago

    As long as the COMMUNIST DEMOCRAP PARTY is in existence, there will ALWAYS be high crime rates in all catagories!

    Reply
  3. GSM says:
    4 months ago

    -/———————-Attention———————-
    The next time a democrat opens their wicked mouth to spew their evil at you
    Ask – who does that person think he/she/it thinks they are
    Politicians are nothing more than moron elected. And the sooner we send the message ! The better off America will be. . No more demon democrats Voters or politicians Or illegals voting. And you had better look real close at those they let in who arrived here without being vetted. And like that evil thing running for mayor of NYC . If New Yorkers are that stupid then. They deserve the hell that thing will bring. Why do New Yorkers always keep picking the worse people they can dig up ? Americans get your head out of the places that cause you to be stupid Regain your individuality and stop being led by our enemies within and our chambers.
    Not only make America great. But make America
    ———-The God of Heavens Country again. ——-
    America is a Christian nation! Not a Muslim country . And this nation had better repent. The first Abortion of Gods creations started this evil that belongs solely to the democrat party and their helpers . Those of you who are being paid to standup for Hamas need to be declared terrorists. And you should be removed accordingly It doesn’t matter if you hate Jews.
    Hamas men put their penis in a 4 month old baby and a 4 yr old and raped every orifice . Here is evil beyond ! This was done to all children and women .All while doing the same thing to their mother. Before slicing her up . They did the same thing to all those they captured Oct 7 And they did the same thing to Our Ambassador Stevens In Benghazi That Hillary and Obama orchestrated !
    They drug his body through the streets after they raped and used a cattle prod in him
    If this is your idea of standing for right Then your evil precedes you And hell is in your future. It makes no difference if who you don’t likeJews No one deserves this. And America can do without your kind
    Democrats have unleashed the stupid and evil among us in our streets

    Reply
  4. sean richman says:
    4 months ago

    If anyone has an inside knowledge on crime it’s democ rats/liberal/sorosists,they are on the cutting edge of crime.They helped invent the vocation.

    Reply
  5. Jeff Weisen says:
    4 months ago

    Is there any significance per chance that the caricature of Biden for this article has six fingers on its right hand? 🤔

    Reply

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