INDIA — A leopard reportedly burst into a liquor store, startled employees, knocked over bottles, and ransacked a stock room this week after allegedly being asked for identification, sources have confirmed.
Witnesses say the big cat entered the shop with the confidence of someone who had never once been carded, then became furious after a cashier politely explained that “apex predator” was not a valid government ID.
“This is exactly how oppression starts,” said one animal-rights activist watching the video from Brooklyn.
“First they ask a leopard for ID. Next thing you know, they’re requiring proof of age before distributing jungle equity whiskey.”
The leopard allegedly attacked the employee, sent liquor bottles crashing to the floor, and retreated into the stock room, where sources say it began knocking over boxes while searching for imported tequila and a victimhood narrative.
American progressives immediately demanded the leopard be captured humanely, granted amnesty, given a rent-free apartment, and appointed official DSA spokesperson on barriers to alcohol access.
“This leopard didn’t commit a crime,” said one socialist organizer.
“It was expressing frustration with capitalist inventory systems and species-based liquor discrimination.”
Critics noted the leopard had no money, no ID, no job, and no plan, making it more qualified than half the people currently writing Dem policy.
As of press time, the leopard had been offered a speaking slot at a DSA fundraiser, provided it stopped eating donors before the silent auction.
Love the humor!