BRAZIL — A 37-year-old woman reportedly pioneered a revolutionary new economic system after deciding rent, groceries, utilities, and personal responsibility were all optional if she simply became somebody else’s daughter, sources have confirmed.
The model, dubbed Family-Based Socialism, immediately drew praise from activists exhausted by traditional adulthood.
“Why seize the means of production,” one organizer asked, “when you can seize Mom’s Costco membership?”
Under the system, housing is communal, food is shared, Wi-Fi is a human right, and whoever owns the house handles the electric bill.
Participants are only required to contribute one thing:
Absolutely nothing.
When asked to clean her room, the woman reportedly denounced chores as unpaid labor and demanded collective bargaining rights.
Investigators eventually revealed she was 37.
Neighbors were stunned.
“I thought she was mature for twelve,” one said.
“I thought she was immature for 37,” another replied.
The movement quickly spread, with adults appearing at suburban homes carrying backpacks and handwritten signs reading:
HI, I’M 13. MY MORTGAGE IS DUE.
Economists praised the program for eliminating housing costs by transferring them directly to somebody else.
As of press time, millions of Millennials were asking whether identifying as 14 also pauses student-loan payments.
