LAS VEGAS — A professional poker player was reportedly hogtied and robbed of his cash winnings this week, reminding gamblers everywhere that in Vegas, the house always wins, unless someone you owe money to finds you first, sources have confirmed.
The incident allegedly occurred after the player left with a large pile of winnings, several confidence problems, and the dangerous belief that cash in hand automatically belongs to the person holding it.
Vegas locals reportedly praised the robbery as a bold new pilot program in casino socialism: share what you have, or someone wearing a ski mask will redistribute it for you.
“This is what equity looks like,” said one imaginary street philosopher outside the casino.
“He had chips. They had rope. Together, they created a more balanced economy.”
Authorities say the suspects may have targeted the player for his winnings, though several witnesses claimed the real crime was acting surprised that loose cash, unpaid favors, and bad decisions produced a parking-garage version of Bernie Sanders’ tax plan.
Casino insiders called the robbery tragic but educational, noting Vegas has two economies:
Official gambling revenue and unofficial “you still got my money?” revenue.
The poker pro reportedly told police he was shocked, mostly because he thought “all in” was just something you said at the table.
As of press time, casinos had updated their responsible gambling signs to read: “Know your limit, play within it, and never win more than you can defend from a socialist with zip ties.”
Socialism does NOT work! Kids tell me one country that is so rich from the use of socialism that there are no poor people! Fools ! I worked in both Cuba and Venezuela and I have seen the effects. Kids today are stupid because they cannot solve a simple math problem but want free things without working for it!
Ashleigh Brilliant put it best: we always fight and I always win! What could be fairer than that?
Socialism is wonderful for the takers and since their ability lies in taking, their needs are proportional greater too. What could be fairer than that?
Socialism works, until the socialists run out of other people’s money. Look at NYC, mayor made big promises but the city was broke. Tried to tax the rich, they left. Wanted to tax the middle class, they said “how do you impeach the mayor.” Made a deal with the governor to forego payments on the civil service pension plans. Wonder if they are paying interest on the shortfall. Chicago, NYC, Philadelphia, LA, SF, all no bueno, no pesos. But the fast talkers continue to con people. One thing is for sure, the middle class is tapped out, and when the Socialists get done crushing the Middle Class, this country will be no different than any other broke nation, dependent on handouts. Will be interesting though, it has always been the U.S. that had to bail everyone else out. In our country, the states bail out the cities and the feds bail out the state. 41 trillion in debt and everything except Social Security and Medicare are unfunded. Social Security and Medicare are both funded by working people, not the rich, and not the government. However, where else can they go to get the money to back up all the big promises they make. Biden’s administration borrowed “40 Billion” from Social Security, wonder if that was paid back. 30% of the present Social Security payouts are for unfunded programs that the Dems hitched to social security. But being broke ain’t an excuse, Social Security is becoming insolvent within the next six years, not the Social Security that people who worked paid into, but SSI, SSDI, and chips. Now the Dems will say these are wonderful programs and we all should take an share of the haircut that is coming. But if those programs are really so wonderful, why didn’t they fund them?? Now that our country is a debtor nation the Dems are in trouble, they always come up with a big spending agenda riddled with corruption and graft, with no oversight, but how, no dinero amego. maybe they will continue to beat the drum for woke, DEI, and other social Justice initiatives, but again no dinero, so sad. How do people continue to vote for such frauds, everything with them a big ponzi system. In case it sounds like I’m just picking on the Dems, the Republican are absolute trailer trash. I mean the politicians legitimate trailer trash no longer wants anything to do with them. We need a new party, we can have the Dems on the far left, the crotchety cold-hearted scrooges on the far right, and a new M party, for the working middle class that outnumbers the Rs&Ds combined. Enough finger pointing trying to say well “what about them,” they sound like a bunch of middle school I wanna be. News flash “You ain’t!!” Isn’t time that the heart and soul of the country the working middle class had a say.