LOS ANGELES, CA — Gov. Gavin Newsom celebrated another major victory for California Tuesday after Paramount reportedly considered leaving the state, bringing Democrats one step closer to protecting Hollywood from the dangerous presence of actual movie studios, sources have confirmed.
“Hollywood has been exploited by filmmakers for far too long,” Newsom said beneath the Hollywood sign.
“Soon this sacred land can finally return to its natural state: empty soundstages and tax assessments.”
State officials unveiled plans to convert abandoned studios into historic attractions including The Last Known Movie Set, The Great Corporate Migration Trail, and Paramount’s Former Parking Space.
Attorney General Rob Bonta insisted companies leaving proves California policy is working.
“You cannot exploit California workers,” he explained, “if every California worker has already moved to Tennessee.”
Newsom announced a replacement entertainment industry consisting entirely of taxpayer-funded documentaries about why businesses flee California.
The first production, Escape From L.A. Again, received $400 million in state incentives before relocating filming to Georgia.
Officials then proposed banning studios from leaving while simultaneously raising taxes, adding regulations, filing lawsuits, and charging them a relocation-prevention fee.
When Tennessee reportedly sent Paramount a calculator, California classified it as economic misinformation.
As of press time, California had successfully preserved Hollywood by making sure absolutely nobody could afford to make movies there.
Unfortunately I live in California so as far as I’m concerned all the left wing lunatics in the film industry can leave, and don’t let the door hit you in the ass!!!
I’ve ived in and around L.A. most of the time since 1959 (except for 4 years in the military) when my family immigrated from Canada and, man, has CA ever been increasingly circling the toilet under Demorat control, policies and high taxation. The trouble with all these businesses leaving is that their taxes no longer being paid will have to be made up by whomever remains here. Lord knows Demorats wouldn’t ever consider spending less.
Quite possibly all those vacant buildings and lots SHOULD be used to relocate all the homeless.
A win-win situation as newscum could promote deadbeat free customer parking in front of ANY remaining businesses , that is if any customers still have money to spend.
Wellll, as millions of ppl and major corporations literally flee The Land of Fruits and Nuts, we’ll soon see how all the bloated leftist government shills become a room full of rabid rats feeding on each other.
Touche
I hope all of the spoiled and entitled brats move out of California as well. Be careful in Tennessee spoiled kids, those country folk don’t take tom kindly of your shit!
This column has become my most favorite column of all news articles. It’s humorous, as well as truthful.
Go woke, go broke…
Hollywood in a nutshell !
All of California for that matter !
Dr. Mike Jenkins said it best, see 3 hours ago. What will celebrity Newsome & the Dems do without Hollywood? They can’t be the ONLY celebrities. Yeah, they will eat one another alive. Citizens get out while you can. Hurry!
Going to be an interesting campaign as he runs for President. Republicans are going to have field day! the ads practically make themselves. Show the before and after of the California wildfires (with the voiceover saying Only YOU can prevent forest fires) with a smiling picture of Newsome standing in front of burned out houses. Or, show a driving video of Los Angeles with nothing but homeless camp after homeless camp, with a smiling picture of Newsome saying “I’ve fixed the homeless problem”. Or show a bunch of new Texans or Tennesseans with pictures of folks with their pockets turned inside out and a smiling Newsome saying “I’ve lowered California’s tax problem”. Finally, show a picture of empty movie lots and smiling actors living in Montana or Wyoming and Newsome saying “I’ve made California movie and TV actors a great way to live”. Newsome for President 2028!