On Joe Biden’s final day, his chief of staff reportedly unleashed a torrent of autopen pardons, with Biden’s eerie third hand allegedly guiding the pen.
Insiders claim the autopen, directed by this extra appendage, churned out clemency for everyone from Hunter’s art dealer to the J6 podium thief.
“It’s a freakish travesty,” fumed a GOP strategist.
“Biden’s three-handed legacy is a robo-signed slap to justice!”
Critics blast the automated pardons, with recipients partying at DC’s swankiest bars before the ink dried.
Conservatives demand human-signed pardons, decrying the “mutant machine.”
Biden’s team calls it “innovative governance.”
Right-wing X accounts explode with #ThreeHandedPardon trending.
Some whisper Biden’s third hand is a Deep State implant, though proof is scarce.
The Justice Department stays silent, fueling cover-up theories.
As of press time, Biden’s autopen was reportedly seen at a K Street job fair, its third hand clutching a résumé boasting “unprecedented pardoning prowess.”
No doubt ol’ Joe was brain-dead. This is worse than Nero fiddling while Rome burned.