In a stunning display of investigative journalism, CNN has reportedly demanded President Trump release every medical document ever produced about his body, including scans that never happened and feelings he may have had in 1987, sources have confirmed.
Network insiders say anchors are deeply alarmed that Trump stood, walked, spoke clearly, and addressed the nation for weeks before experiencing mildly swollen ankles, which CNN analysts now describe as “medically louder than words.”
One senior producer allegedly said, “We ignored years of Joe Biden wandering off mid sentence because that was different. That was democracy.”
According to CNN medical experts who learned anatomy from cable news green rooms, Trump’s CT scan proves he could secretly be immortal, which they insist is a major transparency issue.
The network is also requesting Trump’s blood type, DNA sample, childhood report cards, astrological sign, aura alignment, and a handwritten note explaining his vibes.
Meanwhile, Biden famously introduced America to the Biden Shuffle, spoke fluent gibberish at global summits, and relied on the well known autopen, all while the press dutifully reported he was “the healthiest man alive emotionally.”
Sources say Democratic leadership privately called CNN late last year asking them to “come up with something so the public doesn’t focus on us,” prompting this bold pivot to ankle based journalism.
As of press time, CNN was reportedly preparing a breaking news segment asking whether Trump’s shadow looks “too energetic for a man his age.”
Just who do they think they are!?
What a crock… especially after Sleepy Joe’s age related decline.
Never give these criminals politicians and any news media a dam thing except making all improvements permanent so they can’t change anything like taxes permanently, stop any use of Social Security, Medicare, schools, colleges, for leftist propaganda, congress needs to fire all judges that do not go by the Constitution as Written, and any non American, 3 generations Americans , before they can even run for any public offices, all socialist, communist, islamist,Atheist all non Christian, band from ever being in any part of public office state federal, permanently, and those that come to America must speak English, and adapt to our way of life not their old home way, including clothing no covering their faces no non English signs on any business
I agree !
Stupid people. Trump don’t do it, dems and well as cnn are stupid,dump ,full of bs and full of vengeance. Who knows, they will deam you unfit . Maybe a splinter in your thumb when you were able 5!
CNN why don’t you use your nose for his colonoscopy. Just like you got all of drain dead Biden’s medical records probably because he was the walking corpse of a president. CNN your another business going bankrupt because nobody watches you bullsh- t or listens to all your lies. Happy 2026 the death of another news media.
Just discovered this site and it’s HILARIOUS. Thanks!!