While Zohran Mamdani and his socialist crew warn that Texas is a backward wasteland full of dangerous liberty, red meat, Republican voters, and people rudely working hard to earn their own money, financial giants are treating the Lone Star State like the last helicopter out of socialist Saigon, sources have confirmed.
After years of New Yorkers being told Texas is culturally barren and full of terrifying freedom, banks like JPMorgan Chase are expanding there so fast they’ve run out of cowboy hats and are now forcing interns to wear plastic spurs.
“We tried the high-tax, heavy-regulation, ‘eat the rich’ utopia,” said one fleeing financier.
“Turns out it mostly eats your profits, your patience, your will to live, and then asks you to fund free buses for the people chasing you out.”
Mamdani’s team immediately issued a warning:
“Stay away from Texas. They have jobs, lower taxes, barbecue, and no mandatory struggle session before opening a checking account.”
Officials were especially horrified to learn Texans sometimes eat steak, vote Republican, shake hands firmly, and believe money should be earned before the government gives it away.
Meanwhile, Wall Street is emptying faster than a vegan at a Texas brisket festival.
The dream of free everything paid for by taxing the wealthy has hit one snag: the wealthy read the bill and moved to Austin.
As of press time, the only tenants left on Wall Street were confused progressives wondering why yelling “tax the rich” failed to create an infinite supply of rich people to tax.
To any and all Yankees moving south, you’re welcome, as long as you are willing to work hard, take care of yourselves, mind your own business, and most importantly of all, leave that g******** Yankee attitude behind. We already have enough idiots of our own without you adding to it.
A big thumbs up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we are certainly running a surplus of idiots in TX, but hell we welcome anyone with a open attitude – but ya’ll gotta learn how to cook hamburgers better than Chuck Shumer before you get here
Amen!!!! Y’all.
Maybe you call it “Yankee attitude?” Liberals move out of failed Democrap cities and states to Conservative states so they don’t have to pay high taxes and worry about crime but bring their brainwashed sanctimonious extreme far left voting habits because they’re so damn stupid.
A true statement. They can’t let loose of the idiocy. When indoctrinated from kinder care to University liberals can’t understand changing ideology.
This country was founded and prospered on the notion that a person could keep and use what he/she earned. It’s just common sense that mature, producing people will try to maximize their wealth. But, then, there’s no logic to what the “progressives” do. Sade.
Inevitable, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I take Texas over any other place in the world to call home!
I’ll take Texas over any other place in the world to call home!
Just don’t come here and vote for DemonRats.
Move to Texas and remember, We don’t give 2 pinches of duck s$&@ about how you did things in NY C.
Don’t come here fleeing your mistakes in NY and CA and then try to turn Texas into another failure. Come here to watch and learn what freedom is.
I think Austin has already fallen, but we gotta stop this NOW,y’all
I used to say that if you power-washed Berkeley and dropped it in the middle of Texas, you’d have Austin. Unfortunately Austin needs a good power wash itself these days.
Some day I’d really like to move back to Texas…
Texas is a place I’d truly love to be…
But all my exes live in Texas…
That’s why I hang my hat in Floridee !