A White House auto-pen machine went haywire today, attempting to sign executive orders on climate policy, until President Trump smashed it with a golf club, declaring, “Not while I’m awake”, sources have confirmed.
The machine, a relic from Biden’s tenure, was caught forging Trump’s signature on a $2 trillion green energy plan, per White House logs.
Trump, alerted by aides, stormed into the Oval Office, yelling, “I’m the only one signing anything!” before reducing the device to scrap, witnesses told Fox News.
Conservatives on X cheered, with one user quipping, “Trump just canceled climate hysteria with a 9-iron!”
The right hailed Trump’s “hands-on” approach, tying the incident to Biden’s 2023 auto-pen scandal, while liberals mourned the “lost chance” for climate action.
Trump, on Truth Social, boasted, “No woke machine’s gonna run my White House!”
Staffers confirmed the orders were shredded.
As of press time, Trump was reportedly shopping for a “MAGA-approved” manual pen, insisting it be gold-plated and “tremendous.”
There should have been no auto pen in the first plase! All important gov papers should be sign by hand!
I heard they caught Jill and Hunter trying to remake their pardons
They caught them because Warren was actually dressed as Pocahontas . Being their look out