PARIS — Paris Deputy Mayor Audrey Pulvar reportedly blamed Americans and their reckless use of air conditioning for Europe’s latest heat wave, bravely confronting the crisis by identifying a country located thousands of miles away, sources have confirmed.
According to witnesses, Pulvar unveiled her emergency plan during a press conference titled Responsibility Is For Other Countries, where she explained that Americans cooling their homes were clearly the real problem.
“Why should they have cold air when we have warm complaints?” one aide reportedly asked.
Officials stressed the city would not be mocking the seriousness of dangerous heat, only solving it in the traditional bureaucratic way: blaming someone else, forming a committee, and printing posters.
Parisians waiting for practical solutions like cooling centers, infrastructure improvements, or emergency planning were instead handed pamphlets explaining how refrigerators in Ohio had personally betrayed Europe.
Experts say the strategy reflects a growing political trend in which leaders confront problems by locating the nearest available American and pointing dramatically.
The city also launched a new awareness campaign urging citizens to fight extreme temperatures by feeling morally superior to Texas.
When asked whether Paris might consider expanding air conditioning access for vulnerable residents, officials reportedly gasped and warned that copying America could lead to other dangerous habits, such as customer service and ice in drinks.
As of press time, Pulvar had reportedly blamed the Eiffel Tower’s shadow on colonial architecture and announced a task force to investigate whether Florida ceiling fans were making France sweaty.
