NEW YORK CITY — Socialist lawmakers unveiled a revolutionary criminal justice concept Monday allowing residents to take anything they “biologically need,” immediately reducing shoplifting by simply declaring it no longer shoplifting, sources have confirmed.
Assemblywoman Emily Gallagher’s Biological Necessity Protection Act reportedly asks only one question:
“Did you really, really want it?”
Soap qualifies because humans need hygiene.
Steak qualifies because humans need protein.
An iPhone qualifies because humans need communication.
A Maserati qualifies because 17-year-old Tyler has a biological need to impress Madison before homecoming.
One confused bodega owner asked why he must still purchase merchandise if customers can simply redistribute it into their backpacks.
Officials explained that his biological need to remain in business had not yet been approved.
The policy expanded rapidly.
Housing became biological shelter.
Someone’s mansion became premium biological shelter.
A Rolex became biological time awareness.
A bank account became biological financial security.
Within hours, a man moved into the mayor’s bedroom, confiscated his mattress, television, refrigerator, and Egyptian cotton sheets.
City Hall called police.
The intruder calmly explained he had biological needs.
Officers shrugged.
Socialists praised the breakthrough while retailers replaced price tags with signs reading, PLEASE STEAL RESPONSIBLY.
As of press time, capitalism remained operational only because nobody had yet discovered a biological need to steal Costco.
I have a “bio?logical need” to shoot thieves.
How is he still in office?
Wow…. You just can’t make this “craziness up. Mandami needs to go…. He’s anti American, he’s a radical Muslim, and he’s a Marxist. This piece of human trash needs to be impeached, and charged with treason against our country and Constitution.
I’m sorry, but New York needs to be remove from the union before they spread their rot through America. Beware, Americans don’t let the rot spread to your cities or your towns unless you want to become New York or California. I know that I want to keep my beautiful little town as it is happy and free and respectful to law enforcement and businesses
Why doesn’t the citizens of NY recall that Mondani idiot?
Really? We tried to recall Newscum in California but guess what? The Democrats cheated. At first we received envelopes with a small hole and if it was not colored in, it disappeared. The General Attorney issued an apology and resend new ones. But they still cheated. Good luck NY Republicans, guess these kids were indoctrinated by liberial teachers all these years.
I am just waiting for Mamdani or someone to start a free government store where you are supposed to shoplift everything you need, just to provide the thrill of taking it, although it is free.