LOS ANGELES — Democrats’ latest fundraising event descended into confusion this week after actor Billy Crystal joined Senator Adam Schiff on stage, leaving supporters wondering why the one-eyed green monster suddenly looked so old, sources have confirmed.
Party organizers reportedly hoped Crystal’s appearance would energize donors ahead of the midterms, but insiders admitted the invitation stemmed from a catastrophic misunderstanding after someone wrote, “Get Mike Wazowski. He already has one eye open.”
Instead, Billy Crystal arrived.
The audience initially applauded before several younger socialist activists began whispering, “Who’s that old guy?” while scrolling through Disney+ looking for the actual green monster.
“It wasn’t the celebrity we expected,” admitted one disappointed organizer.
“We thought the monster from Monsters, Inc. would be more relatable to the modern Democratic coalition.”
Adam Schiff attempted to salvage the evening by assuring attendees that Crystal still possessed at least one eye capable of spotting campaign donations from across the ballroom.
Political consultants later concluded that cartoon monsters actually tested better with voters than most congressional Democrats, especially after focus groups described the monsters as “less frightening” and “more honest about wanting your money.”
Several monsters reportedly declined invitations to campaign, insisting they had spent years trying to convince children they weren’t scary and refused to ruin that reputation by entering politics.
As of press time, Democrat strategists had reportedly begun negotiating with the cast of Shrek, only to learn the swamp residents had endorsed term limits for fairy-tale politicians.
He was good as Harry Burns.
The democrat party should really consider a revamp of themselves.