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Boston Mayor Unveils 137-Step Licensing Process For Delivering A Medium Pepperoni Pizza

Joe King by Joe King
April 14, 2026
in Entertainment, U.S. News
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Boston Mayor Michelle Wu reportedly announced Tuesday that all food delivery drivers will now be required to complete a 137-step approval process before transporting a single bag of takeout, sources have confirmed.

According to city officials, the rules were drafted after Wu concluded that the greatest threat facing Boston was not crime, inflation, or urban disorder, but a man on a scooter delivering lo mein without first obtaining permission from six departments and a climate equity panel.



“This is about safety, accountability, and justice,” Wu allegedly said while unveiling a compliance packet printed on recycled hemp and bound with taxpayer tears.

Under the ordinance, drivers must reportedly register with the city, obtain a permit, buy approved insurance, submit route data, and complete a sensitivity seminar titled Deconstructing The Harm Of Urgent Burrito Culture.

One aide said drivers may soon also be required to acknowledge the land and apologize for the inequitable history of mozzarella sticks.

DoorDash warned the policy would raise prices and hurt workers, prompting Wu to reportedly respond that “scarcity is how compassion scales.”

Sources say Amazon was quietly exempted after city leaders determined crushing independent workers was progressive, but inconveniencing a giant corporation would be disruptive.

As of press time, Boston had announced that anyone caught delivering tacos without a permit would be classified as an unlicensed domestic quesadilla trafficker.

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Comments 16

  1. Bob says:
    2 weeks ago

    Same thing basically like what happened during Covid. Democrat Progressives did everything possible to shutdown every “small” business that may have had five to ten customers at a time! But billionaire owned stores like Target and Walmart serving (exposing) hundreds of people per hour. So “big businesses” could thrive and “small businesses” can die filing bankruptcy! In this case multimillionaire owned and democrat party donor is exempted, again.

    Reply
  2. GAIL says:
    2 weeks ago

    These American hating democrat socialists will destroy this great country, if reasonable Americans do not step up to protect and defend her!

    Reply
    • Lin says:
      2 weeks ago

      So true!

      Reply
  3. Louis McMahon says:
    2 weeks ago

    So no voter ID miss WU. But you need 137 step to register to deliver a sandwich. You are a disgrace to the American people.

    Reply
    • Tuna says:
      2 weeks ago

      It’s not just Mayor Wu… all the hypocritical Dumbs are a disgrace to America. Not a peep came from any of the Dumbs when their man Biden couldn’t find an exit, fell down stairs, and couldn’t coherently read his own teleprompter; yet they want to invoke the 25th Amendment to remove a supposedly “irrational” Trump.

      Reply
  4. Stuart Newcomb says:
    2 weeks ago

    And the idiots keep voting these clowns in office.

    Reply
  5. Judi Willard says:
    2 weeks ago

    Hi! I’m with Truth in Accounting- great article Mr. King! I’d like to pose the question: Would there be enough willing Boston police officers willing to enforce these rules if they knew that the same politicians coming up with job killing laws weren’t properly or fully funding their pensions? I doubt it- help us get that message out there, follow us on social media and share Joe’s article! If we are going to make any changes we need to educate the rank and file union members.

    Reply
  6. Bubbelove says:
    2 weeks ago

    Wu is sick in the head! She needs to be replaced asap. She is now trying to put businesses out of business!

    Reply
  7. Cat-lady says:
    2 weeks ago

    Is this satire? Can’t possibly be for real…can it? Even in Commifornia things aren’t this ridiculous! Please tell me this is parody!

    Reply
  8. wlan2 says:
    2 weeks ago

    “scarcity is how compassion scales.”

    Brilliant because true.

    Reply
  9. Marty from Arizona says:
    2 weeks ago

    Yep, and I need (fill in the number) of permits to cut my neighbor’s lawn!

    Reply
  10. M S says:
    2 weeks ago

    That is one great mayor.

    Reply
  11. David Valente says:
    2 weeks ago

    ship her to China and see how far she could push the coolies

    Reply
  12. Sue says:
    2 weeks ago

    Where do these democrat assholes come from this is America not some stupid c unt thinking she’s God or speake for the American people. Kick her as out of office before you won’t be able to crap in your own home. These democrats are don’t understand they work for the American people not their stupid brainwashed agendas. Recall call her immediately before you lose your rights to breathe. When are you going to learn democrats don’t give a sh-t about you only illegals the care about. Cut the head of the snake off and live like free citizens should live.

    Reply
  13. Edi says:
    2 weeks ago

    When women gain some power their brains atrophy. Common sense goes out the windows.

    Reply
  14. Gordon Borner says:
    1 week ago

    If Amazon Driver’s are exempted, sounds like Wu Government is in bed with a large Multi-billion Dollar Company.

    Reply

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