Harvard officials reportedly gathered in a candlelit mahogany bunker beneath campus to defend President Claudine Gay with the kind of moral urgency usually reserved for endangered hedges, sources have confirmed.
According to totally reliable insiders wearing crimson robes and “Coexist” lapel pins, the Harvard Corporation opened its emergency meeting by lowering the university shield to half-staff and asking whether plagiarism was still bad if it had first been filtered through enough consultants, attorneys, and Obama alumni.
Witnesses say the room fell silent before one board member bravely whispered, “What if we just redefine copying as collaborative democracy?”
The panic erupted after the hearing forced Ivy League administrators to confront their worst nightmare:
A Republican woman publicly asking a simple question and expecting a real answer.
Sources say former President Obama then descended into the meeting via a cloud of NPR tote bags to remind the board that stability mattered most, especially the stability of an administration stacked with enough former Obama officials to qualify Harvard Yard as a future presidential library.
“You cannot let standards interfere with the ecosystem,” he allegedly warned, while staffers furiously shredded MLA handbooks in the background.
Meanwhile, Harvard’s independent review panel — described by university officials as “anonymous for justice” — reportedly concluded that the copied passages were not plagiarism at all, but rather a bold academic tradition known as “equity-based sentence sharing.”
Under the new framework, students caught lifting entire paragraphs from other scholars will no longer fail, but instead be awarded leadership fellowships and a guest segment on MSNBC.
As of press time, Harvard had announced a new Code of Academic Integrity clarifying that plagiarism remains a serious offense unless committed elegantly, institutionally, and with the full support of people who have their own half-finished foundation center.
Shame on you Harvard.
Fuck Harvard and the cabal
This is ridiculous! Where is integrity? Where is writing with your own words and ideas. They are watering down education to qualify people that have no business is academia !
Even Harvard is taking a a dive into the abyss of Libitardianism !
Harvard has been leading the way for years.
The Liberal Left Socialists certainly know how to twist “Truthful Logic ” to ease their minds and LIE to the Masses who don’t know how to reason.
This is shameful that any institution of higher learning like Harvard wants to lower the academic standards bar so low to affect the standards of one’s research for academic achievement. Make no mistake there are bird brains out there who would use chunks of other scholars hard work and present it as theirs and where would this end? What is wrong with given credit where it is due if not be penalized for such dishonesty. Academia is moving to a dark place if this standard is lowered by the left and they get their way to do so.
Plagiarize – when one has no original thoughts or ideas AND too lazy and/or too stupid to use their brain….. maybe because they have no brain, neither do they have a comprehension of what is right or wrong.