California Wealth Tax Leaves Democratic Billionaires Asking ‘Wait, This Is For Real?’

California’s wealthiest Democratic donors reportedly entered a state of confusion and emotional bargaining this week after realizing the proposed wealth tax was not a metaphor, sources have confirmed.

Several billionaires admitted they had enthusiastically supported taxing the rich for years under the assumption it applied exclusively to “problematic billionaires,” such as oil executives, tech founders who voted wrong, or anyone who once questioned a pronoun.

“I thought this was more of a vibe,” said one donor. “Like a suggestion. Or performance art.”

Longtime party financier Ron Conway was described by insiders as “visibly startled” upon learning that asset seizure was not just a talking point used to motivate college students, but an actual policy involving math, forms, and government officials with calculators.

“We meant redistribute wealth,” another donor clarified, “not our wealth.”

Democratic strategists rushed to calm donors by explaining the tax would be implemented compassionately, meaning billionaires would be allowed to keep their beach homes, tech investments, and moral superiority.

Governor Gavin Newsom reportedly reassured allies that enforcement would be “targeted, flexible, and subject to change depending on who’s hosting the fundraiser.”

At press time, affected billionaires were said to be quietly funding a new grassroots movement called Tax the Richer Rich, while insisting this outcome was absolutely not what anyone voted for.