NEW ORLEANS — Veteran Democrat strategist James Carville reportedly announced he “can’t be in the same party” as candidates backed by Zohran Mamdani after the sugary haze of what aides first believed was socialist Kool-Aid suddenly wore off during a strategy meeting, sources have confirmed.
According to bewildered staffers, the moment of clarity came after Carville listened to another activist denounce the American flag, dismiss traditional marriage, and unveil yet another list of taxpayer-funded promises that somehow ended with the phrase, “We’ll figure out the math later.”
Witnesses say Carville slowly lowered his cup, stared into it, and muttered, “Wait a minute… this isn’t Kool-Aid.”
“It was beet juice,” one aide explained.
“Same color, none of the sweetness. That’s when reality hit him like a balanced budget.”
Carville reportedly dumped the remaining drink into a nearby potted plant, which immediately demanded free fertilizer, rent control for tulips, and universal government-funded sunlight.
Party strategists quickly rushed to reassure him by unveiling a new presentation titled Everything Is Free If You Never Mention The Bill.
Carville allegedly interrupted the slideshow after the third promise.
“So the strategy is to attack the flag, rewrite every institution, promise everyone everything, and then act surprised when someone asks who pays for it?”
Consultants reportedly insisted arithmetic had become an oppressive social construct before proposing a federally funded Department of Unlimited Free Stuff.
As of press time, Carville had begun handing out empty cups labeled, “Warning: Contents May Cause Temporary Suspension of Common Sense,” while quietly advising younger Democrats to read the receipt before ordering another round.
Carville is as Ugly on the Inside as he is the Outside.
A walking, Talking Demon-Crat !