Jimmy Kimmel Announces Two-Month Break, ABC Sentences America To Eight Weeks Of Rosie O’Donnell

LOS ANGELES — ABC reportedly announced that Rosie O’Donnell would temporarily fill in for Jimmy Kimmel during his two-month hiatus, leaving millions of Americans wondering whether the network had accidentally scheduled the world’s longest encore, sources have confirmed.

Television historians immediately began comparing side-by-side photos of the two comedians before concluding the image had to be AI-generated.

“There has to be a glitch,” one confused viewer said.

“They’re both standing in the same pose, making the same face, telling the same joke.”

Network executives reportedly celebrated the transition, noting they wouldn’t have to rewrite a single monologue.

“It’s incredibly efficient,” one producer explained.

“Just erase ‘Jimmy,’ type ‘Rosie,’ and the rest of the script practically writes itself.”

O’Donnell reportedly promised viewers that her guest-hosting run would feature “all new material.”

“I won’t spend every night talking about President Trump,” she allegedly vowed before producers quietly wheeled out the familiar stack of orange cue cards.

Audience members reportedly began timing how long it took before Trump’s name appeared, with most stopwatches failing to reach the one-minute mark.

Even Maury Povich reportedly agreed to settle the suspense.

“The results are in,” he announced while opening an envelope.

“That was, in fact, another Trump monologue.”

As of press time, ABC had reportedly warned viewers they had approximately sixty more nights to endure before Kimmel returned and continued exactly where Rosie left off.